Glamour , the one exciting quality that arouses ENVY.

2005-11-26T04:10:00.000-08:00

Ishy came over and we had fun with my tiara and big kick ass black shades. She's one of the most wonderful friends I have ever made in my life. She's one person I can count on for ... good witty advises. She's isn't the sayang lend-you-a-shoulder type though. She's more of a WAKE THE FUCK UP. WERE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? Yah that kind.

You know how high Ishy can get when she's talking about her bf.

And how much I love acting like the newly crowned Miss Sg . Let's all say in union. WORLDPEACE

2005-11-25T07:20:00.000-08:00

I'm so happy that finally me and Tangy finally met up after what seemed like a trillion years ! When I saw her at the train station , I just had to run over and give her the biggest bear hug. She's the biggest darling. :)

*

*

I erased the whole chunk here cause I think I was being a bit mean. Come on.. You know what a nice person I am right?

2005-11-24T03:59:00.000-08:00

I'm a princess and siew kee is just wearing a hat !

I wanted to be a princess yet being a fairy seemed fun too .. So I did both with siew kee holding up the wings for me.. And to sex me up alittle , I gave myself scarlett lips !

And guess where we were ? Spotlight. Some guy walked past us and said " Shit what the heck are these girls doing ? "

I bought the tiara home by the way.

2005-11-22T07:47:00.000-08:00

All I want for xmas is ...

you.

2005-11-20T12:47:00.000-08:00

You, you've got a lot of nerve
I guess you haven't heard
I'm doin' fine out here on my own
You think that you can come around here for some fun
But boy you've got a lot to learn.

Don't shake your head from left to right
Saying that you've changed and now you're on my side
You just say what you say and want your way
And it's that game that you play ,
It's a little late.

As if I'm ever gonna take you back
As if It's ever gonna come to that
So see you 'round ,wave goodbye
Be a bird pass me by

Maybe I'm not being clear
As if I'm gonna let you break my heart again
As if I'm gonna let you try and be my friend
It's the end, take the hint .

:)

One last time.

2005-11-19T21:34:00.000-08:00

If you have been observant enough , you would have realised that most of my blog post are laced with sarcasm and filled with innuendos.

And they all revolve around one incident. If you are close enough to me , you would have heard the story already.. If you haven't then .. I just don't see a need for you to know.

Today I am going to put my heart on the table and say what I always wanted to say and how I truly feel about the entire saga.

This is the one relationship that I have walked out on and lost so much.
I not only lost the guy that I really loved but friends whom I thought were trust worthy , my pride and self-worth.

The day of our break up , we left so much unsaid. Bad timing. I had my humanities paper the very next morning. The swollen eyes were not due to flu. Duh! Were you dumb enough to believe? Yes.. Now you know.

It's impossible to go back and pick up the broken pieces. But I can't seem to cry over this failed relationship anymore now. Because when I asked myself if I was willing to live with the hurt , insecurities and be forgetful towards all that has happened , I knew I can't.

To all those people that wanted to see us break up , yeah..! You got what you wanted. I applaud to all your efforts. May you reap what you sow too.

I'm sorry to say that I'm not feeling the least sad and down in the dumps. Well , at least NOT ANYMORE. Because it is now that I can say out loud that I FINALLY KNOW HOW FUCKED UP YOU ALL ARE AND WHATEVER DOESN'T KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER. YOU FUCKING LOSERS.
t(''t)

2005-11-16T19:18:00.000-08:00

Darius is flying to China on Tuesday. Eileen going to Korea.. Siti going Thailand for the gazillion time.. Jia long also going holiday.. stupid rich ah sia kia.

WAH LAN EH. Who is going to keep me company during the holidays?

* S H A R L A N E the starfucker. says:
please don't come back with a china wife

eXtreme PainKiller says:
siao

eXtreme PainKiller says:
i hate china men/women

* S H A R L A N E the starfucker. says:
SAME

eXtreme PainKiller says:
cannot tahan the way they speak

* S H A R L A N E the starfucker. says:
Fuck and dump , Hit and Run .

* S H A R L A N E the starfucker. says:
Hear it when they say ZA MEN . It kills.

eXtreme PainKiller says:
NO THX

eXtreme PainKiller says:
WASTE MY FUCKING SPERM

I will so miss Darius.

2005-11-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

Meeting Elieen and Jeremy later. Most likely heading to Starbucks.. Will be having the usual I guess. Mocha mocha and more mocha ! Got some spare time .. So might as well blog.

History paper is in 2 days . Last paper on next Tuesday. Hmm.. Shi sei told me there's some concert at Singapore American School. Well , if biology paper isn't fricken on Monday , I would so go. Considering that there will alot of Ang Mors there. DUH ! Hais. Life is full of shit shit shit.

Initially , I thought of taggin' along with Shi sei .. But if she's going , she'll be stuck at the hips with her boy ti. So BOOOOOO. Sharlane doesn't want to be that clingy-&-fresh-from-break-up friend. Darius would then be ideal choice cause he's so into music and all. It's been quite some time since both of us hung out anyway.

But nah. Giving that concert a pass .. Cause exams are currently piority. Fancy hearing that come from me right ? Well , I nearly kicked the cat when I made that statement.

My parents has once again left me to starve. Yah I know I will be having Starbucks later but having only $6 caffaine in the body is not healthy and I'm not Mary Kate or Ashley. My parents don't love me at all. I must be adopted.

Back to Shi Sei.

Shi sei asked me how was ws and I told her that ws was the ugliest piece of flea market thong ever and I hope he has died of rabies.

She laughed and say that she was happy how I have finally realised that.

I reminded her that she did say that he was " alright ".

She laughed sheepishly.

A kind reminder to all friends. Stop telling me that you find the guy I hooked up with / boyfriends / ex-boyfriends / soon-to-be boyfriends / male friends / flings YANDAO when they are NOT okay? Don't even try to be tactful and say they are OKAY looking. Hurt my pride. Tell me they look worst then that herpes infected transexual canine at your back alley. I wouldn't mind.

Or be blunt. Use the word. FUGLY.

Being diplomatic is certainly out when your friend asking opinions about her boyfriend. The truth will hurt but you have to be mean to be nice or whatever that phrase is .

Will blog later.

2005-11-14T23:42:00.000-08:00

*
Current status ?

Your heart is my playground.

What scent do you like ?

His ears

What do you do on weekends ?

Thinking of my exboyfriend as I watch re runs of Days Of Our Lives.

What makes you cry ?

Thinking of my exboyfriend as I watch re runs of Days Of Our Lives.

What do you believe ?

Bad hair happens to good people.

How do you de-stress ?

In bed. I love 7 hours a night.

What do you despise ?

People's filthy minds.

What motivates?

Cupidity

What moves?

Complicated heart warmin story lines & a handsome lead actor .

What pisses you off ?

People swearing in hokkien , ants in my key board , being dateless , bad hair days , over night zits , Ah Bengs & Lians , ugly people who think they own , girls with nice boyfriends , raining when I have no umbrella , my computer hanging , having menstrual cramps , buying the clothes of wrong sizes , recieving recycled gifts , China nationals , Cute guys with ugly girls , waiting for texts/ calls , being dua-ed .

What makes you happy ?

When the answer is yes.

Love is blind . Agree ?

Blind lust is destructive.

Where's the best place to be ?

In the passenger seat of a Bentley driven by ... ( insert cute guy's name )

Where do you see yourself in a year's time ?

See previous answer.

Who tops your hate list ?

Boyfriend's ex-girlfriends.

Anything to add on?

Good girls finish last.

*

contemplating

2005-11-12T21:32:00.000-08:00

*Sigh. The phone cost around $400. Really don't know if I should return it anot.. Hmmm. This gift abit too expensive to keep right?

Was thinking that the least I can do now is ask him to change the billing address to my own. But .. Maybe I should return the phone. HAIS !! To think that I was so happy last night upon recieving it.. I think cause the number is damn chio. Consist of only 3 digits.. Machiam golden number.

HAIS.. I think I feel bad cause I got no intention of being together with him. It's not just for him lah... Is that I really don't intend to get into any relationships anytime soon. Got so much for affairs of the heart not sorted out yet. To say that I don't miss the former would be the world's biggest lie.

SIGH.. Life is full of shit.

Important annoncement

2005-11-12T06:45:00.000-08:00

Yeah !! Finally back home to blog.

Attended a friend's friend's girlfriend's birthday. I also don't know why I went also. Must be cause today I had a great hair day and my toe nails looks ultra nice. So, my friend P got her a SK jewellery diamond pendant. Design damn nice. Want to know why? Cause I chose it.

Lai lai lets see what I wore.

Pardon the ugly hamburger stuff toy behind me. Was a gift from .. I forgot his name.

At the party , felt kinda out of place actually , everyone there were either fresh grads or working adults in the banking field. Everyone was talking about what faculty they were from lah , the different Universities or what off shore banks lah , DBS , OCBC ect ect. So they were like ..

A : I was from NTU .
B : Oh. I just graduated from NUS.
C : I just started work at this swiss bank...
D : You were formerly from VJ ?
E : I major in accounting.

I really hoped that no one asked me anything. Cause if they did I'll answer something like this.

ME : Hmm. I'm still taking my Os ?

So , I just pretended that the red young wine tasted so damn good when it was not the whole time. Perhaps even giving that kind of face that I was busy appreciating my wine so fuck off and don't ask me what degree I have.

Good thing is that I can bullshit pretty well. Talked to a few. Didn't table hop though.. cause I didn't know a single soul apart from P there. So I just turned to a girl beside me and commented that her necklance was the nicest piece of rock on mother earth .. You know how such lines always kick start conversations with girls !! The next thing I know , she sat next to me and pointed to another girl at the far end of the function hall and said " She looks so lian right? "

Oh well. I just smiled.

Met tumb for dinner at Tampines mall .. Or was it Century Sq . We had dinner at some Japanese restaurant. The waiter damn cute. Cause he's indian and he speaks japanese.

Camera shy tumb has made me love raw salmon.

Embracing it.

The plates damn cute right ? See the face!

This cost me $5.60.

Oh yah. Forgot to add on.

SI BEI CHIO RIGHT?

Not only did I recieve this phone , it came with a line as well. Hmmmm. I'm shocked lah... Funny gift to recieve and the reason was cause the sender felt that I was always 24/7 uncontactable and was pek chek that I never reply his smses or answer his calls.

Abit pai seh to accept also.. Considering that he's just a normal friend... Hmmm. But thanks anyway ah..

So .. Number has been changed. Will sms you guys the new number. And for God's sake people , Please don't pass around my new number ! I don't want to recieve weird texts or calls.

Well , one of the reason for changing is that I really want to get away from those fucked up friends I had. So those that don't get the new digits , you get what I mean lah. You fucked up friend.

My PDA phone is such a hassle. Have to keep taking the little stick to poke poke poke. My little panasonic one is so cute but is urber user unfriendly. I think this phone is pretty neat.

Going to go paint my face in mud mask now. Bye !

2005-11-10T05:35:00.000-08:00

I hear the rain land softly in my soul
And dreamed a dream that you were with me still
I feel your warmth
your breath
your hair
your skin
You've never left.
But I wonder where you've been...

2005-11-09T06:18:00.000-08:00

(edited version)

Okay. Its going to be a si bei long entry today. So if you still want to read you might want to go and pee first , grab some potato chips or close that porn you are viewing now.

Just got home from school .. Just finish Geo paper.. It was okay lah considering that I only got up at 5 am to study today and got Elisabeth to go through with me 1 chapter of physical geo yesterday night.

* I pause and look and my toe nails and exclaim how chio they are !

Just painted them on Tuesday night only. Nice hor ! The colour is close to Revlon Vixen but has a slighter redder hue.

Sorry lah.. I'm damn fucking bored now and I can't go to sleep now also. It's 11.17 am on a Thursday and I now dare say that DAY TIME TV SUCKS COCK.

Meeting Tumb later !! Cannot lah if I go nap now , its a sure thing that I'll end up dua-ing her and it'll be the second time liao. Cannot lah she treat me so nice. Her name is Elieen by the way. Just get the kick out of calling her by her surname and see her face curl in to frown. TUMB TUMB TUMB ! HAHA.

Although she constantly hurling cantonese abusive language at me , I still love her cause she promise me that she will buy me nice stuff when she goes to Korea later this month.

My cousin is getting married soon ! Can go shopping for new clothes liao !

Dress [x]
Chio clutch bag [ ]
Killer heels [ ]
Fake Blings x 2 [x]

Today I'm going to try to squeeze sometime to buy my heels. Eh people ! Where sell nice clutch bags ah? Can tell me on MSN ? I saw one at heartland mall already. Damn chio but there's some retarded looking ribbon that spoil the whole design on it leh. Not going to pay $25 for that !

REALLY VERY BORED CAN? ITS ONLY 11.45AM.

Regretted deleting my Gunbound.. SIGH if not I can play now.... Speaking about computer games , I always get du lan cause it reminds me of The Sims.. And from there , I think about how my exboyfriend refuse to return me the whole set.

Not given as a gift ! Just loan him hor . My love for The Sims is too much to be given away like okay. Although its just pirated ! Its still The Sims. But I think I blogged previously how I have already forgiven him about that right? Aiya..

Oh yah ! I said about how he could keep the disc cause I got his Tees. But .. Hell, I threw away the sex pistol shirt that he left with me liao leh.. Just when I thought that I threw out everything that he had given me , I just flipped though my stuff and realise there is still so much more.

Thinking if I should use this time to pack and throw everything out..

Hmmm.. It's been so long... About time I did .. I should stop talking about him.. Makes it seem like I never got over him at all....

*
Anyway , if you find me rattling about all this a big turn off .. as turn off as lap dancing your neighbour's mom , then you can just fuck off.

Really. Fuck off.

I never did intended to blog for an audience. And don't give me crap about how the way I blog is very guai lan / xia lan or whatever lan. Or how I can't get over the past , the world hates me , I'm so ugly I cry at my reflection blah blah. Heard enough liao lah ! Even hear people saying stuff that I solicit. Seriously speaking lah , even IF I ever intended to sleep around , I don't think I'll be that low class to whore .

Cunts. Can't these people get a life?

madness.

P.S. Jia long's brother is off to Aussie. He called bibian just now and I chup ji ka into the conversation. So touched to find out that I was actually on his list of people that he getting pressies for !
Anyway , Jia long is alone and lonely stuck in SG. Going to irritate him and make sure he let me go over and abuse his pool.

2005-11-07T22:43:00.000-08:00

Some people call it heartbreak , I call it bliss.

It's hard to remember how it used to feel when we were both still so new into our relationship. It's more difficult to think back on the good times.. It leaves me wondering... Was there any at all ? heh.

Every start of the relationship is always the same old thing. All rainbows and butterflies.. Throw in some cute little lambs even. Towards the end , fucking worst then the inferno of a war.

Today , blogging in a sound state of mind as a bachelorette , I can tell you with gusto that I'm taking all the crap from past ex-boyfriends in stride.

And I finally realise the crux of the problem.

I was too busy compromising , and trying so hard to keep to the promise made to myself that I will treat the current one better then the former. In the process , I lost my knife like tongue , humour and sense of pride. I was almost docile ! Frankly speaking , I look back on these 5 months, I really don't know how else better I could have treated him.

DAMN !

I'm a material girl , diamonds are my bestfriend and I want to own a pet lamb.

Love blinded me for awhile and I was .. to the extent that I believed the old folklore of " True Love." I was neither practical nor realistic when handling issues on my love life... *sigh.. love.

But still , I will be happy for him if he can find someone else who can accept him totally , stand by him, love him for who he is. Which I feel I'm highly incapable after all that has happened. So yah. He should go.

Call me selfish. But I think it's my birthright that I put my own happiness piority.

DAMN !

I never really knew all my past boyfriends well enough before we got together. Thats the biggest mistake. Seriously. By the time I know them well enough to want to discard them, there are always , sad to say , feelings involved. Flash me a pair of puppy dog eyes and I'll melt. I am the weakest link !

So I stay , I try to love. I never believe in changing a person. You love the boy , you accept the whole package. Sounds dumb. But yah.

Sian lah. my relationships always same cycle of patch up break up patch up break up. Like primary school ah girl ah boy relationship. So sick ! Once and for all , I declare ! Fuck ! Singlehood is the answer.

Must be in love and fuck all day long to enjoy my teenage years meh?

I'm only 16. Why bother? I got a good 10 years before I'm expected to get married , grow fat and become ugly with 3 kids .

And no worries ! I can hold my own shopping bags in the mean time !

....

2005-11-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

The paper was relatively okay. But I guess , I stressed out. For the first time in 16 years. Nearly cracked in exam hall when I was midway through my essay when I was only left with 7 minutes or so.

English and Physics on Wed. What a .. combi.

I'm so tired ! At least the only comforting thing is , my art is nearly done.. So stress level .. down alittle. Tomorrow , I'm going to eat , breathe and sleep Physics.

Okay .... I'm going to sleep on all the problems I have.. chuuuu ~

I can never comprehend

2005-11-06T05:20:00.000-08:00

sigh . .

Exam Blues

2005-11-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling very sad and sorry for myself lately.

I haven't been going out alot. Say even if I do so , it'll be to some ulu nearby place to get my work done. Anyway , been pretty caught up with my art. It's near completion. Not sure if it's up to standard though. Need to make a trip to school and seek sage advice from the professionals.

Bliss

2005-11-02T04:54:00.000-08:00

Because you live, I live.

hao fan ah .

2005-10-30T07:12:00.000-08:00

*sigh.

mom : when u going to pay me the money?
sis : why you demanding it back ?
mom : I got some financial difficulties.
sis : Yah and you just bought 2 burberry bags.
mom : That's beside the point.
The dog barks.
sis : what's wrong with all of you?

Conversation repeats itself for several times then... in the mist of it I hear my name. Great. Now I'm involved.

mom : you fucking bitch.
And proceeds to slam phone down.

I get abit scared at this point because mummy is very fond of smashing phones when she's pissed. And if she smashes this phone , it'll be the 8th.

Phone rings again.

I answer.

Sister rattles on and on and on about some thing about owing "that bitch" money for repairing her rolex and what a bitch her mother is.

Mummy takes the phone and screams somemore.
"All of you are so ungrateful. All of you just know how to spend and not contribute anything to the family when you all have an income. We are retired blah blah blah ''
Daddy grumbles. The dog barks again.

I get pretty pissed too cause I'm clueless and I'm actually trying to study. The phone rings for the third time and then the fourth and then the fifth. I give up. I blog.

Dad suddenly pops in my face and say " I got a son who doesn't even want to pay his own insurance , a daughter that is screaming on the phone with my wife over the $600 rolex repair bill and you , who spends $6 on coffee everyday. I have helped all of you so much in this life.. Its time we 2 old folks spend our own money on our own things. "

"And I need some money for my old age too. Considering the fact that none of my 3 kids are going to support me. "

Seriously , whats with rolex shit ? Its so fucking tacky. I rather wear my fake pretty Guess watch.

And this pretty much serves as a wake up call for me.. Maybe I should start spending less and actually start working during the holidays instead of waking up at 3 pm and watching Animal Planet for the whole day.

Fuck . I really hate it when people argue. The yelling still hasn't stop. I pity mummy's larynx. Wow. Her pitch really stings my ears so fucking bad.

Make love. Not war.

3rd

2005-10-28T04:57:00.000-07:00

Read the news couple of days back ? 3rd racist blogger going to kena.

Aiya .. What's with dissing the malays ? Very sian leh. If their doing this cause it was a trend to insult , then its so passe. I mean hello ? 2 of them got charged. Use of alittle brain would most likely come to a conclusion that by continuing to do so , you 'll end up as the 3rd?

It's the malay's tradition not to touch little cute canines or eat fat pink pigs .. Who are we to have a problem with them.. yet alone blog bad about them and what they chose to believe ? Chinese people in China eat dogs and cats ! Even worst right ?!?!

What they touch or eat nothing to do with us what . Doesn't affect us in any other way also. 7th month we chinese burn so achipalia things , stage all the " wayangs" they never kao bei kao bu already very give face liao hor ! Furthermore , the chinese funerals can zai a void deck till up to 7 days and their wedding held there are only less then 1 day and we still complain !

Siao.

I think quite fun to hang out with friends of other races leh. And I don't have any problems with malays also. I think it's because I spent my entire secondary school life in a school with a cohort of nearly 80% malays.

But I mean .. Come on lah. Our Ba zhang looks abit like Ketupat also. Nasi Lemak is nice. You dare say No !! Want to diss them and be so racist , don't eat their ethic food lah. Eat cai peng everyday lah so smart.

* I got a paper on Monday so I wouldn't be blogging much after today. Take care !

sigh

2005-10-27T04:26:00.000-07:00

Looking back ..

I realise that I was all too eager to think that if I could forgive and be nice .. It would all be reciprocated.

But I was too naive.

In the end, the one who left the scene with a broken heart , a friend or two totally striked off her list of friends , a baggage of horrible memories and a harden soul that will no longer trust...

Is none other then me.

There are people out there , who are like vultures, will await your fall , anticipate your death .. who will then shower you with pecks that will break though your fragile skin and devour your meat. Bit by bit , they'll eat into you ..... and the depths of your pain will be buried within the endlessness of the vulture's pleasure.

Perhaps its my repercussion then.

There were many parts in life that I look back and feel that part of where I am today .. and what I have done is all of my own doing. Perhaps. I should never have placed any trust in anyone at any one point in time. Well, the cut is raw for the ones who slit was the people close to heart or people I have never antagonized in my whole 16 years.

I bite my lips and stop the tears for the sole reason that because I know it will only show how weak and vulnerable I am once more .. No one will look at me in sympathy but rather gloat at my state of pity. I don't need any one to pity me. Thanks but No Thanks.

But I have to thank all those who really were dying to see my fall , see me break down and cry , watch me go through an emotional roller coaster ride .. Well , I hereby congratulate you.

You have succeeded.

Yes. There are days when I wake up and just curl in bed and refuse to admit that a day has passed and I'm still stuck in my turmoil. Yes. There are times when I pick up the reciever but only to put it down again because I'm afraid someone might use my words against me in the future again. Yes . I have to fight the urge to cry when I switch off my bedside lamp each night.

Yes. You have succeeded in ruining my days , my nights.

But you have failed to also realise that , all these little set backs will only make me stronger .. and all the more I will not repeat. And you guys all taught me a valuable fact of life that .. to trust , is to invite pain.

For all , I have to thank.

And today was the day .. I trusted my own instincts and my own heart .. Ignored all untamed tongues .. and I chose to forget for I chose to love.

"Of what used to hold the secret contents of one's heart , when certainty insists.. its beats are numbered from the start. "

I'm blogging so many times

2005-10-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

WHERE THE HELL IS NAIMA! CALL HIM AND HIS HANDPHONE IS OFF. OMG I'M SO HUNGRY AND ITS RAINING. I'M SO GOING TO BITCH SLAP HIM WHEN I SEE HIM LATER. ARGH !!!

"At the tone , please record your message. Beep."

This is officially also on my hate list.

SNAP !

2005-10-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

Breaking up is just like the end of a journey. Doesn't necessarily mean people stop loving each other after that what ! Well, on my part , I know for sure , I never really do stop loving ........

Don't ask why I chosed to bail out of the relationship so soon. If you need to know , you will. Well , me? Heart pain anot ah...? Surly abit lah.

Aww... But it was fun being in love for close to 5 months lah

But now ah ? Yeah I'm fine . I guess .

*
Actually I must say I sad until want to ki siao. Then you all will ask me out to comfort me ... then i'll cry and force you all to treat me Mocha at coffeebean.. Wei ! Everyday $6 no joke okay ! Getting very poor hor. No money do manicure recently okay !

For everyone.

2005-10-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

*
For him.

The previous lyrics I got here was dumb. Okay. I apologise for .. to sum it up, everything. Yah. I'm sorry.

*
For my exboyfriend.

I don't know if you read my blog , but if you do , I'm apologizing. Happy now? I'm sorry for being a total ass by selling our break up story to nearly the whole world. You were a bastard but I wasn't that Mother Theresa either. I hope you are happy with your new girlfriend. You still owe me my Sims Cds. But you can keep them lah.. Cause you got a few shirts with me too.

*
For my exboyfriend's exgirlfriend.

This was the last thing I wanted to do in my life. Look , I'm sorry I cracked your head and you had to get stitches alright? I hope you are doing fine now cause I heard that life isn't going on that smoothly for you.. But hang in there? I know we don't know each other but ... hey. judging from the fact we had same taste for our men , I think we would make good friends actually. So yah. Peace.

*
My Sister's neighbour

I'm sorry that I always say your girlfriend looks like your mother.

*
For Brandon Lee.

I still hate you. But I want to say I'm sorry that I got you slapped when part of it was my fault.

*
For Perry

Someone I always take for granted. =( Really sorry. Promise to meet up with you soon alright? Then you can help me out in my physics as well. Really so sorry for not replying your texts or answering ! You know how busy I can get sometimes. LOL.

*
For Qayyum

I don't know why I'm doing this . But its childish to keep backbiting. And yah. My bad that I misunderstood on my part.

*
For Jolynne

I can only apologise for the fact that I will not be able to continue our friendship. We had our good times... Maybe you thought that I wasn't being a good friend to you.. perhaps thats why you hate me so much. Well , if it helps by apologising , I'm sorry.

*
For My Geo teacher

I'm really sorry I made you cry. I know how much you care. And I know how fucked it much have felt when I just skipped your class to get my Art done. Must have been like a slap in the face right? Well , I cried when I got home too. What I did was really fucked up. I'm sorry.

*
For Ah Lian

I'm sorry that I that I always call you a faggot. I'm really sorry that I always make you make pay for my food as well. I know I still owe you like $3 for rojak . I'll make it up to you by letting you come by to molest my dog.

*
For Garedine

I always took you for granted when you were always there for me . I'm sorry about that alright? You know how much I love you now don't you !

*
For my ex church mates

Okay. I'm really sorry for everything. From the previous camp I fucked up to the way I wrote all of you out of my life. I know I made you all sad and hurt but all of you still had so much hope , faith in me. I'm sorry for all everything.

*
For Mummy & Daddy

It's not everyday that I'm so emotional. Daddy , Mummy. I love you. And I'm sorry for always yelling at all of you. Please understand that I have bad menstrual cramps. Really , hugs and kisses. You guys are the best.

*
For my sister

I know we fight and you are jealous that I'm prettier. But I'm sorry for always spending your cash okay? I'm pay you back once I get a holiday job. I love you bitch . I do.

*
For my China & Bebe

I think I really neglected both of you. I rarely even bathe China nowadays. Kisses. I'm so sorry. After exams, I promise I'll bathe both of you.

*
For everyone else that I offended.

I'm sorry. This is not fake. I'm sorry that I always bitched about you guys on my blog. I learnt my lesson the hard way. Pretty hard . Karma ain't a bitch.

Don't ask me what divine intervention caused me to do something so drastic like this. Don't.

And I'm thanking all of you for the patience cause someone did what I did , I would have stabbed the person.

Sorry and thank you.

God bless you nice people.

GOOD NIGHT .

.

2005-10-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

oh my. I think my eye sight getting bad to worst o.

I officially declare that I LOVE MOCHA

2005-10-23T06:20:00.000-07:00

Got my butt up at 10 today and YES ! I finally went to church. So after that , I got to Garden's and met up with Ishy and Sam at coffee bean. The mocha is like $6 but its so worth it. I'm a caffeine addict and loving it ! At least drinking coffee doesn't dig a hole in the ozone layer !

So we had dinner at chomp chomp. And we only spent like less then $20 ?

THE STING RAY ROCKS. No kidding. Only $10. Please try !!

Okay this was after we dug in. Only $2 for 8 pieces leh. Chwee Kuey is so niccceeee ~

Black carrot cake.

And our kick ass sugar cane juice !

*okay lah. Like very little food hor. But the thing is , hiao people are always dieting but seriously , these 3 items really got me sooo full already.

Our pretty pint sized Ishy.

Sam never stops laughing.

Yours faithfully can't be bothered to take pics when shes hungry.

So , had a little walk around gardens and we spotted this house that was reallllllllly the nicest house I have ever seen. It was like bali themed house, all teak wood and orangy lighting.

If you can afford a house like this ,

She's all yours to take home.

LOVES ~ <3

MUG

2005-10-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

Chilling at coffeebean or any cafe is really what everyone should do on the weekends? OPPS !! Hell no. All of you should stay in !! All of you. Cause if you guys go too , there isn't going to be any extra chairs for me to rest my legs. Haaa. I'm so selfish.

Met up with Ishy in the late afternoon. We went to Garden's coffeebean. Had my favourite Ice blended Mocha. I tell you , its perks you up like totally. Perks your tits up too. Now I totally believe in Pamela's Anderson about the Caffeine theory that it can get your tits taut. Heee.

Was susposed to meet up with Jeremy at Compass Point's Starbucks initially ... But you know how I never really liked that starbucks. Particularly cause there was once when I was trying hard to study my Geo's rostow's model thingy , there were a bunch of lians and bengs infront of me at Mos Burgers having some confrontation talk. Even my mp3 blasting Kylie minogue's Love At First Sight couldn't beat their deafening Kaninabus and Chee byes.

I was like HELLO ? Isn't Compass point susposed to be a beng/lian free place? Look. Even the arcade is so bright and 80% of the population there are kids from pri school. It surprisingly looks like a healthy enviroment for kids to play games. I would have let my kid hang around there.

I'm like de-ah-lian-ised. Just like Detoxed. So I'm sort of allergic to them now.

Can't they just like go to void decks and settle their problems. I mean no one is really interested in who stared at who and who's god brother/father/sister/mother is who. Void decks have nice round tables for them to sit down and confront each other. There are like so much weapons they can use to assult each other too. Like flower pots , bicycle chains and say .. people's shoes?

So pissed. Why can't they do something more useful for society. Like , stop smoking, its making that ozone layer hole bigger and bigger and instead help old aunties to cross the road.

Going to church tomorrow. Yah. Meeting Ish too. And if time permits , I'll be meeting my boy Aik for dinner.

Did I mention that he's pet lizard died? He's really attached to that scaly little thing. I hope he is feeling better now.

Alright. See ya people !

Saturday

2005-10-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

I love my eyebrow embroidery.

Did I ever mention that I used to pluck my eyebrows so often till I think I damanged the bloody hair folicles there or what ah. They then refused to grow at the tail ends. So my eyebrows looked funny. Like sliced off midway.

I love how my January done embroidery gave my eyebrows "tails" . Not fading also. I super heart my beautician.

Let this saturday be the day we all embrace the fact that we all had nice eyebrows but shavers and tweezers ruined them.

Don't mind me asking ah? What's with people drawing their eyebrows with a brown pencil? Like black hair , black lashes , black pupils. BROWN BROWS?

Why huh? 1/4 ang mor ah ?

Hahahaha .

mad

2005-10-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

I think my parents really siao.

I think old people that don't work and stay at home to ebay all day long abit weird.

Always anyhow accuse me of smoking . That time even worst. Suspect I was moonlighting as a social escort or something just because my mother felt that I never seemed to ask for allowance anymore. Wah Piang. I spend like 60 cents in school for a bowl of mee everyday. Of course have left over money lah.

Everyone knows how stingy I am when it comes food. I rather spend it all on clothes or anything else. But never food.

I don't smoke now lah for fuck's sake. Might as well say I snort cocaine better. Book me into some Rainbow Rehab lah. I think it's going to be so in to check into a Rehab now. Cause Kate Moss went to The Meadows in Arizona ! And Sharlane's going to ... Hougang Rehab in Singapore?

Even now when she calculate my expenses for the future. Can you believe she set aside a portion for " my smoking habit " ? Have you seen a mother so mad? Might as well set aside a part of our house to grow marijuana.

Once I bought a really cute looking $2.90 thing from ebay , and when she opened up it when she was tidying up my room and saw that it was actually an ash tray, she sat me down and talked to me about Singapore's growing rate of Cancer patients.

I fucking don't smoke because I don't want to lose my nice out-of-bed hair to chemotherapy lah.

Can understand anot?

I don't fag.

I just happen to swear alot , bet on football and steal my dad's beer whenever its heineken.

*Sorry pops. It's time you knew that mummy really doesn't drink that much beer in a week.

Hello !

2005-10-19T02:49:00.000-07:00

Hi my name sharlane and I like calling myself Lanie.

I like to bitch about people alot. I love calling everyone on my hate list " That son of a bitch" or tart. I never like calling girls sluts because I find that word too over used. I rather call them whores. For males , I rarely bitch about them cause , things with a penis are from Mars. They don't appreciate the art of window shopping.

I blog read alot when I'm bored. It's not like I'm interested in anyone's life apart from my own but I do find fun in reading people exclaim how they love sex, new hair sucks , abusive friends , nicotine addictions , handphone bills , new found shopping spot or new found fling.

I do that cause I think choking on my potato chips is cheap trill. HAHAH.

You know , I think I found someone emulating me on-line.

Oh my God.

I think I'm hyperventilating.

Yah. Correct ah. Like when I browse through that blog, I had to look at the URL to reassure me that it wasn't my blog.

I know one is nothing worth to hao lian lah. Like the person didn't use my pictures and pose off as herself or used my identity lah. But come on man. You blog , I blog. We are unknowns in blogger world. But got people copy you anot? From the contents to the blogskin to sexual preference.

Contents part abit scary lah. Cause funny names I coined for celebrities , or kiss ass actions like I faking the pulling of my hair are often used in the exact form and when I re-read them , it makes me feel abit weird.

And my friend told me that our friendster profiles look/read/sound the same. The occupation ect , used to distinguish different people are the same !!!!!!!!!
( I wrote mine as Life Sized Doll. I think I'm going to change it to Yellow Dildo.)

Ok I think I found a fan.

So that explains why I re introduced myself in the first paragraph. You know how fans turn bersek when they want to know so much and can't and might in turn just kill their idols? So yah. I'm just a normal teenager. I am not Paris Hilton. I have menstral cramps too. Please don't stalk me.

Let me talk more about my self then. To show everyone how normal I am.
I know it's narcissistic. Why cannot is it? Buey soong don't read lah.

I am hainanese but I like speaking cantonese. Actually forced to learn cause all my friends kept saying tiu lei and I thought that meant something nice. And now I have grown to like it cause TIU LEI sounds so much better then KAN NIN .

I love my dog , 2 cats and boyfriend very much. <3

I also love my parents because they buy me nice stuff like a bible. I love my sister and brother because in order to make me say I love either one of them more , they bribe me with cell phones , buffets and facials. I super duper dote on my grandma but she's 6 feet under now.

Acting bimbotic is my forte. Pretending to be poor too. I always say I'm on financial assistance so that you guys will let me loan that nice Gucci tote of yours. And on top of that , I get free meals and alot of symphathy hugs. If I could lie I live at squatters and collect tin cans I would. But too bad singapore is abit to urbanized to tua kang to that level.

Sharlane is a nice person. Only that sometimes she just doesn't tell you that your ass looks huge in that levis.

The telephone wire is like literally attached to my belly button. I yak yak yak on the phone alot. I hate texting because its a waste of time and I can't text and play my skipping rope at the same time. But i can talk as I skip. So yah !

I always lie I'm dieting because I know everyone will say " Eat lah. Diet for what. Not fat what." So I not only get assured that I'm not fat , i also eat without guilt. And If i put on weight I can call the person and chao gan them cause they said " Eat lah. Diet for what. Not fat what."
See , kill 3 bird with 1 stone. I smart bo?

You see , I'm just like every other girl. Go stalk your neighbour instead. Save on transportation.

THE END

starved

2005-10-17T01:27:00.000-07:00

It's 5pm now and all I had was 9 slices of fish and 2 Famous Amos cookies.

Fish is healthy. Famous Amos is fatty.

And I hereby declare , I feel like dying.

My sister just called up to inform that she fainted on the train and her rolex face has cracked. I hear already , my heart also crack. I don't understand why she always not eating. So skinny already. Machiam a bag of bones still always starving herself.

I on the other hand , is a whole different story. So , I'm allowed to diet , starve myself and resort to 'the bullimia tactic.'

I weigh a hefty 53kg. I'm stunted at 1.66 . Don't comfort me by saying I'm big boned. Bones are not flabby.

Ok I really feel like dying. I'm going to have a pear.

The last time I managed to shed those kilos was due to a bad break up. Till today I can't believe that I actually didn't eat anything during that time and even if I did , I would lose interest in my food midway and have it thrown away.

That time was horrid so please do not take it that I'm implying to anyone out there to break my heart and help me lose weight.

How I wish Ee chun would give me his treadmill. Then I can exercise everyday and have bamboo like legs. And he can also pass me his red apples. My house is full of junk food loh. So many bags of famous amos cookies , potato chips , ice cream and everything not susposed to be consumed when on diet.

I want to be skinny ! I want to look like a willow tree !

Good bye

2005-10-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

Every memory of lookin' out the back door ,
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor .
It's hard to say it, time to say it .
Goodbye, goodbye ...
Every memory of walkin' out the front door ,
I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye ..

Throughout my whole secondary school life , the only thing that motivated me to go on was the day I would eat the cheap ass "graduation" buffet and leave school.

The fucking buffet had all the same food as the one at my grandma's funeral. Nevermind.

We snapped alot of pictures that day. I almost felt celebrity. We made so many promises to keep in contact and meet up for bitching sessions at starbucks. I know ah... Its not like we are not going to see each other again. We'll still be coming back for exams.

But .. After Nov , everyone is going to be so busy with their own lifes, new found holiday jobs , boyfriends and whatever. And school used to be the only reason that we saw each other. Now without it , fuck. I'm going to lose a whole truckload of funnies. =(

And it's only normal then when everyone gets out and start meeting new people, we tend to forget our school mates. And only when the new people starts kicking their ass , AHHHHH then they realise how much the miss the old peeps and how good those times were.

I'm really going to miss high school.

Gona miss ....
The ang mor speaking clan - Darius , Shisei , Ishy , Sam .
My mee soup recess kakis - Sam , Joy , Cindy and JQ. (thanks for the shoes !)
Art bitches - Eline and my man Serene !
The chinese boys - Mr lian and gang. Plus mu4 nai1 . hehe
My best 2 khakis !!! - Siti & Jia long !

Maybe I'll miss the fat girl from 5n2 also. She makes me feel slim everytime I stand next to her at parade square!

MUACKS. Going to miss you all so much !

* I CRY

BITCH

2005-10-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

You see , I haven't been blogging that regularly .. Cause I was doing art at school. Remember my past post ? I posted a few pictures of my Art piece , done all my myself.

But now , I'm being accused by a fellow art classmate of mine , who claims that I paid one of the guys in my class to get my art done for me.

Well , even so , GOT ANY WRONG MEH?

I can him 20 bucks, 2 bucks , give him a blowjob for it even , I don't think it concerns anyone right? This issue will not lead to another tsunami in Asia eh?

But the thing I'm unhappy about is , I did the work MYSELF.
Bloody hell , I so ah lian. If I dare to cheat , dare not say meh? Na Bei.

Stupid he/she . Fucking sHIM.

Says thats I say he can't keep a relationship. I so bo liao one meh? Aiya. Even if that bloody limp wrist get fucked in the ass , think i will give 2 shit about it?

AIYA !! Cannot say so much. *covers mouth in horror.

I forgot... people Seng Kang melayu teenage millionaire leh. Lost the motorola razor 11 times somemore ! How ??? Wait I kena sue how? Or he hire people murder me!!!

You know right? Multi millionaires all abit eccentric one !!!!!

DIE LAH.

What will I do?

2005-10-11T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that I feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to

I know for sure there's a place for us
I'm counting the days till I feel your touch
You come to me when I dream at night
When I'm with you it will be so right

If you could see the love in my eyes
You should know that I'm on your side ...

*I'll be your mocha parther on sunday afternoons at starbucks , scrabble duo on rainy days , duet with you at sing-song sessions , your beloved movie khaki , the other half for photo takings , the first one on your speed dial.

You know who you guys are

2005-10-10T06:15:00.000-07:00

I lend you my pair of ears , I lend you my shoulder .

What do I get in return ?

You fucking can bitch about me in my face? How smart ! How about using Spanish in future so I can't decipher what the hell you talking about. Well , if you think I'm the sort that will backbite and continue to bitch from that mere assumption of yours , then FUCK it. We are over.

You got a new boyfriend? Need someone to talk to ? Well , my line ain't for bitches to get through.

I don't need people like that in my life .. your criticizing is not going to get very far and certainly not to the extent of spoiling my mood. It's not going to help even if you talk about my ex-boyfriend in my face at the table with all my friends. Yeah ~ like can I be bothered? What was your expected reaction you think you would have got from me? Excuse myself from the table?

Man , people do judge .

You looking for some drama to be injected into a happy friendship? I'm sorry. I'm not the doll you can toy around with. You are so superficial . I wonder how to get to sleep with that heavy mask you wear each day. Bet you need a chisel and hammer to get that clay out.

The next one.

What sort of friends calls your boy up late at night and say that they should hang out cause she's bored?

A tramp ? No no. I think I'll go with the word slut.

I would love to assume that oh so all of a sudden, the gazillion list of contacts in her cell have all been washed up by aliens and that the only one cell number was miraculously left intact !!! And yes !! It was my boyfriend's !

And yes , I was away for the weekend and she must have thought that my boyfriend was bored. So being such a best friend , she sacrificed the time she usually spent snorting white junk up her nose just to ask my boyfriend if he wanted to hang out.

How many thoughtful friends are there left on this world? Knowing that I'm away , she offered her company and doesn't even tell me anything at all. She's really such a darling.

I'm so touched. I'm going to cry !

Okay , so she calls him , a few times and I would love to think that it's because she can't get through MY line to ask me how am I so she had to resort to calling up my boyfriend just to send her regards to me.

SO SWEET !

I must emphasize on this statement.
It's fine for good friends to hang out with each others boyfriends. I'm all for it.

Funny thing is , I personally wouldn't call or hang out with a friend's boyfriend whom I said sucked and gave a compromised 6/10 overall for looks and 2/10 for driving skills.

Judge people , judge.

No love lost.

With friends like that , who needs enemies?

love at first sight.

2005-10-09T07:03:00.000-07:00

I will not be able to see you anymore ..
Those eyes I wouldn't forget..
I'll miss you .. girl.

GYM

2005-10-06T01:59:00.000-07:00

EE CHOON's HOUSE HAS A TREADMILL !!!!
( and many other weight losing achipalia thingys )

And I burned 17 calories on the treadmill just now !!!

Got so cute anot? Next time he will have a gym liao loh like that. I tell you , his house has a verrrrry big fridge but it only houses very BIG RED APPLES !! If I stay there any longer , I'll be as skinny as my boyfriend !

His house should be used to film the next villa wellness !

I miss you.

2005-10-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

I miss the way you crinkle your nose.
I miss the way our noses rub.
I miss the way you ruffle my hair.
I miss the way our eyes meet.
I miss dua-ing my friends just to see you.
I miss long talks we share over our oily dinners.
I miss the the time you first fed me ice cream.
I miss your eye lashes.
I miss how I punch your number on my phone.
I miss recieving texts sent with love.
I miss your sleepy morning calls.

I miss .. I miss ..

I miss you.

I'm feeling upset

2005-10-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

Perhaps due to the nearing of my period .. I'm not feeling so good today. As much as i like to pretend and seem as if i am very happy , I can't deny the fact that , i'm not.

Not at all.

Not one bit.

I think I'm losing my self confidence. I never felt like this before when I was a swinging bachelorette. I'm thinking ... Such a fool I was to actually feel intimidated and alittle insecure regarding issues with my relationship.

I mean , how much more do I have to sacrifice ? How much more is there needed to be given in order to see my partner just smile?

I have therefore come to a conclusion that an adult relationship is not all about trying to hold the person back .. But rather giving both parties a choice to leave . Exposing your boyfriend to temptation is even better. If he can't keep his dick in his pants , its over. Short and sweet.

Has hots for a friend of yours? Close both eyes and perhaps even supply condoms to let her get laid. At least you get a few days off from shagged days.

Fucking around? Unfaithful? Plenty of other guys other there dear.

I'm only honeyed 16. Life hasn't even started for me.

There is so much more in the world to offer. I'm not going to feel upset just because I feel that my boyfriend may be up some bitches skirt or whoring around. I can't afford to feel affected at this point in time.

I need that O level certificate . Badly.

I don't want to spend my life living off people like what all the other sluts out there do. I want to be able to afford my own Gucci bag. I don't want to be a little pussy . I want a say in future relationships.

Looks like 2 free periods of maths does wonders.

Happy

2005-10-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

Firstly , being such a nice forgiving person , I have reconciled with a used-to-be very good friend of mine !!

I've decided that with effect from 2 days ago, to be a nice person so that flowers will bloom and birds will sing.

Really. I have been mean to alot of people for along time already. Like I used to laugh at people with prosthesis limbs or cuss at kids who play in the fountain at Bugis. Accidently on purpose throw away peoples project works or spit into drinks of hatelist friends.

I feel so bad.

I want to be nice so I'll have good karma .So that at the end of the day I'll marry a nice person who will buy me a pet lamb and love me for being such a bimbo!

Okay reality check. It's a sunday night and my fourth finger is missing a 4 carat diamond ring.

My boyfriend came back liao !! On saturday night and I met him like 5 hours ago. I'm so glad he came back in one piece. But he's still skin and bones lah although according to him food at that place very cheap.

Oh he got me a top , some accessories and sea shells. SO SWEEET CAN ?? Your boyfriends got so sweet anot?

Anyway, we both bought the mac $2 toy.Some cinnamon don't know what the fuck it's name. Hope I can still get the hello kitty one. Although the toys all look retarded , still find them a tiny bit cute. Furthermore $2 only. Going to get the whole set.

Geeez. So happy he's back liao.

P.S. FYI Qayyumi , he didn't come back with a thai wife.

.

2005-09-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel that my parents are fucking cunts.

32 more days to Os.

2005-09-29T19:42:00.000-07:00

Why must friendster have so many new features? Now we can even check who has viewed our profiles. So shitty. But heng ah !! There is a feature to remain anonymous.

I was clicking around who viewed me and stumbled upon my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends profile. I was viewing her pictures when I saw this very familiar guy's picture in one of her group photos on her photo list.

AHHH !!!

AHH!!

AH!

Then I remembered. It's that irratating guy that claims that he is from Hong Kong that is pestering me and asking me fucktarded questions like

"Hi is Aik your bf? "
"Can tell me what so attractive about him?"
"What make so many girls like him?"

Siao bo. Ask me stupid questions like this. It's kind of unexpected from someone who seems like he is in his 20s. I'm already being very nice to reply him although he is pissing the Easter bunnies out of me. I mean you all know how nice I am right?

HAIYA ! Must ask my boyfriend to fend off these faggoty attractions himself.

But then again, I cannot help but feel that it's more then just him being gay. Hmmmmmm.. So qiao that it is his ex girlfriend's friend. But whatever it is , I can't be bothered because I'm having a good hair day today ! My hair looks so bouncy and full of volume I can star in any shampoo commercial.
(I'm very happy can? Very rare my hair looks so nice. And good hair days for me are rare as... A dragonfly with 2 pussies ! )

Oh I must add something ! I just realised that an exboyfriend of mine whom I feel should have died of herpes has been viewing my profile !

*
Today I got up at 8.30 am and Daddy still insists that I can make it to school. I really don't want to serve detention on a Friday and furthermore , there are newly installed surveillence cameras all around the school and the only way I can sneak in is through the rubbish dump ! Not forgetting the 3 si bei kaypoh security guards. Shit lah. Cannot run away from school or go late anymore.

Anyway , Aik is holidaying away for only 3 days can't help but miss him alittle bit already. I hope that bag of bones is enjoying himself in that some ulu part in Thailand. And I hope even more he eats so much he gains some weight so that he doesn't keep looking like some POW. HAHAAAA.

Alright people , I got to go now. Mom's cooked some ... erm food.

my art

2005-09-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

how come my house don't fucking have printer?

Ask people help me print all come and tell me their printer have no ink. Better still, the one that have ink don't know how to UNZIP a simple folder. Must ask me go their house and help them to.

GOT SEE PEOPLE SO RETARDED ANOT???

I already not feeling well can? Whole morning so bloody giddy. Still have to get up and finish my art. Then my parents can tell me " Aiya sure fail lah. Go ITE lah. Simple things go like going to people house and help them to do YOUR stuff also don't want. "

DON'T KNOW HOW TO ASK THEM TO USE THEIR PEA BRAIN AND THINK IS IT? JUST FUCKING CLICK 3 TIMES CAN GET ALL THE PICTURES RIGHT.
And don't know what has not wanting to go people's house got to do with me going ITE.

The weather so damn fucken hot , ask me go over their place and help them like click their mouse 3 times ? WAIT I FAINT HOW??!!?

Sometimes my father can piss the shit out of me. Later when I finish my art and when the weather not so burning hot I'm going to go out. See their face , spoil my mood.

HELLO !!

2005-09-24T01:12:00.000-07:00

Dear everyone !

I'm back to blog.

Yeah. My life is fine. The sun still shines. Yeah haven't died of any substance abuse yet. I'm happy and the flowers are blooming at the sense of my euphoria.

I have been pretty busy studying abit with my dear friend Eileen. The best studying parther ever. Can squeeze my thighs when I'm a tad distracted !

It's so good that exams are near and it's a jolly good excuse to avoid people that are totally wankers. As what Qayumi says " You will always be seen as a techno listening Ah lian if you continue to have such chee-na bengish/lianish friends. " After this advise , it hit me like a big tsunami that , I have pretty lousy cowdung friends and having them in my social circle has pretty much tainted my image as a normal being to being an Ah Lian.

I am fucking educated in english and I speak proper english nearly all the time. The only times I speak chinese is when I'm buying yong tau fu. And I only swear in hokkien when I feel for some weird reason , the word fuck is not pungent enough.

So that explains the must for a change in cell phone number .
It will be done soon.

I have had my fair share of cock ups in my life and I will tribute all of them to my "friends" . I can't be bothered with such people anymore. Having to realise this at 16 is really damaging.

I hope those pesky little craps get the vibe when I don't call them out anymore or they call or text and the line is a dead one.

All I want to do now , in this moment in time is just to ace my exams and be a good girlfriend to my boy.

But of course people , this post doesn't go out to ALLLLL my friends. I just don't want to be a mean ass and list the names.

<3 loves.

BREAK

2005-09-22T05:24:00.000-07:00

My prelims are fucked.

Taking a break from blogging to mug.

38 MORE DAYS TO THE DAY !!

knn i'm so kan chiong spider oready !!!!

BE RIGHT BACK !!

I am officially complaining.

2005-09-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

I know of girls who just do nothing all day but sit around and complain about life being sucky , describe how they simply can't fit into any pair of jeans or howl like a moron cause they can't get a decent fuck , or maybe they can't find the perfect G-string , or they suddenly feel that being lesbian is totally not hot anymore.

I think such people are losers.

But today , as it is a full moon day and we rarely get a full moon nowadays , I have decided to throw a little complain party for my self and complain the all the FUCK I WANT TO KANINABU WHINE.

WHINE 1

Today as I was happily having Dim Sum with lalalalalala , I saw the most horrifying thing in my life . ( okay apart from an elephant's penis at the Night Safari ) I was looking around the place as lalalalala was busy sms-ing , I bloody saw the china waitress of the Dim Sum place who had served us a few moments ago, kicking a kitten.

Can you believe it , she used her cheapo ugly slippers to kick a dear cute Singaporean hungry cat on the head ! For nothing ! Totally nothing at all. All the cat did was laze around under some table can??? No one was at the table or anywhere near the neighbouring tables and she walked right up and brazenly kicked kitty kitty. Siao char boh.

But I know why ! She must be hoping she kicks hard enough to send the kitten into coma so that she can bring it to the kitchen , steam it and dip it in soya sauce for dinner.

You have no idea how I wanted to drive the chopsticks into her and rupture her kidneys.

WHINE 2

City plaza's toilets are damn wu lu. Had the sudden urge to shit ( must be slimming tea ) so had no choice but to use the toilets. You know before I can actually see the toilet , I had to like walk so far the other side with no shops around and then walk further in , like maze like that (SERIOUS !! ) . As I was shitting , I was getting increasingly scared.

What if some thing spooks me and I don't like clean up before I run. Going to be messy and stink right? So I wiped out my handphone and sent a text to Aik. And this bloody m*****f****r can tell me sms is expensive. OF ALL TIMES. And call me a pussy for being scared.

While washing my hands , I was mentally preparing myself all the possibilities. Like what if I bump into any chee ko peks along the wu lu maze like passage way and he suddenly gropes my breast or whatever.

But when I walked out , no chee ko peks ! I only saw lalalalala waiting for me ! So happy to see lalalalala ! Machiam find oasis in the middle of a desert like that ! Almost want to kiss and hug my lalalalala ! LALALALALA !!!

WHINE 3

I'm begining to hate my boyfriend.

*please contact author for details.

For you.

2005-09-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

For you Aik

Happy 100th days to us !

You know ...

2005-09-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel that I'm too old for my age. I open my cupboard and feel even more depressed because all the clothes I have are making me look like I have premature aging. Suddenly, wearing a plain tee , flats , simple straw bag (optional) and minimal make up seems so much better.

Coming home each day and having to remove all my make up with what seems like a hammer and chisele is really such a hassle. People like just go bathe and I have to stand infront of the mirror and wash everything out and not leave any traces of make up or risk rearing a pimple farm on my face.

I'm starting to hate wearing heels. I feel so tall in them it's almost like transexual kind of tall.

I'm like sweet 16. And people can fucking comment that I look 26. It's like a bloody decade difference?

Somehow , I miss being immature, hang outing with friends talking about how-cute-that-band-boy-is , cracking stupid jokes about each others bra size , elbow locking my girlies while we shop and dig into our cones of ice cream or simply hanging out at the beach leaning on my other half reading a book and sharing fun , senseless , lighthearted conversations.

It's pretty sad how you reach a point where you start to reminise and feel that the past was so much more enjoyable. Perhaps at that particular moment in time. The time freeze you chose to keep running in your mind. As much as you HATE the former , you cannot deny that there is never much a good reason to stop loving the memory.

Being young and in love is one of the best moments in one's life. You can celebrate your anniversary like monthly or call him 389 times a day, text each other like a hurricane is going to hit Singapore tomorrow , feel jealous when you see him talk to being who owns a cunt , cry when you don't get to see him.

And for all these fucktarded things you do , you'll still be forgiven.

I kinda miss that kind of feel. You know , the feeling of being so helplessly in love , waking up every morning feeling already over the moon because you know you guys have a dinner date set later that day . And like knowing that he'll be there for you no matter what and that you have absolute confidence to say that '' yeah we are BOTH deeply in love."

When things fuck your day up, he is the first one you want to call and complain to. When you ace your test , he's the first one to recieve your call and hear you blabber your euphoric speech. That's highly irratating but you are 100% sure he doesn't mind one bit cause .. you know how much he loves you.

Man , I sure miss calling up just to say .. ''I miss you ! '' and hanging up feeling pai seh cause ... haha. I don't know why too.

Hougang

2005-09-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

Hougang is filled with not only mad people , but also very artistic ones !

My sister's neighbour has decided that a PINK door is so last season.
But he thinks that half heartedly vandalising his door is HOT.

But what do you do with excess paint?

Do japanese calligraphy on your wall. Create the wonders with a paint brush.

*

Have you ever encountered while walking home from school,

1) People like lying looking so dead in a public place?
2) Or maybe a bio chemical virus attack look alike?
3) A scene from CSI ?
4) Hougang massacre?

No?

Well I have !

!!!!! What's happening ???

I mean do living people sleep so soundly at public places on a hot sunny thursday afternoon with their two palms resting on their chest in the dead-people-in-coffin position?

Help them !!

<3 lanie

Sun bitch.

2005-09-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

Today right after the humanities paper, I hit the gym with bestfriend Qayummi Hamasaki a.k.a Lindsay Anorexic Lohan.

We burned like a grand total of 100+++ calories on a lousy treadmill.

After that we went pool lazing !

We both needed a tan really bad. I mean we were looking so pale like crabs on Chrismas Island.

Look ! I'm so white it's gay !
But it's more gay now cause my legs are so tan it's sick !

Support Banana Boat ! My hair looks permed ( like wtf ! ) and Qayyumi's shades are so retro.

Qayyumi says he can become paparazi.

*Can't post the rest. Highly unflattering !

I think my bulging spin nice.

Last but not least ,

An entry with filled pictures is what happens when ,

2 bi besties hang out the pool , far away from their Boyfriends after a $2.50 gym session on one lazy afternoon with a camera in hand !

<3 !!

DIET PLAN FAILED!

2005-09-11T05:40:00.000-07:00

Instead of cutting out junk food from my life totally , being a devote vegetarian on whenever-i'm-happy , hitting the gym at least once a week ,

I HAD SWENSEN'S CRUNCHY CONE FOR LUNCH !!!

I'M SO GUILTY !!!

P.S: But its damn nice I tell you. The nuts kick ass.

Church

2005-09-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

I was susposed to go church with my parents but .. I don't know lah. I just didn't want to go with them . Not lazy . I was lying wide awake after they asked me to wake up at 10. Just didn't want to go. With them.

Then to show me that they were pissed , my mother asked me to COOK NODDLES FOR MYSELF FOR LUNCH and is not going to da pao for me. Siao ah? And my father walked in and out of my room 3 times just to tell me he DOESN'T care if I'm going anot blah blah. Don't care still talk so much?

But it's okay. Old people a tad weird. Maybe a bit sot even. I will make it up by going to the Catholic church near my school for some quiet time with God .. most likely tomorrow I guess. I know I'm a Protestant but , that particular church appeals to me because it's really gothic like old church interior gives me a better ambience to pray.

I never really like the idea of attending charismatic churchs with all the electric guitars and fast praise songs. I always prefered the quieter ones in fact. Perharps , the more boring ones. And going on days which they don't hold services is the best because the whole church is empty and I can cry , weep whatever and no one is going to shoot me funny faces.

I like the idea of slipping into a church, sitting at one of the back benches and just quietly listening to the sermon. No friends , no family members. Just me in the mist of strangers .. No after church get togethers for lunch/dinner. NO CELL GROUPS esp. Maybe I should attend some 1 year course and be Catholic.

I always say my grace in silence. I feel higly uncomfortable having to say grace for the entire table of eaters. There had been a time when I was attached to a certain cell group and it was my turn to say grace for all of them . So all I said was " Dear God , I thank you for all the food on the table before us. Amen. "
And the whole group was somewhat so disturbed that my grace had been so short.

So after that and a series of problems with them , I have decided to head to church on my own from now on. And this reminds me that I have to buy a new bible because apparently , during one of my temper throwing fit , I tore mine up.

Yeah. Got $2 on the table . So I guess my mother wasn't that coldhearted to make me cook noddles after all. Going out to get my lunch. See ya.

Diet

2005-09-09T07:39:00.000-07:00

Qayyumi and I have both decided that we are going to diet. It's once again time to hit the gym . Since both of our partners ain't really into gym , it makes us both single on a GYM going day !

We aim to be like her ! That slimmer then a french loaf nicole ricci !

And to digress alittle ! I have a super big crush on this Japanese lingerie model.
*SLURP !!

Thus she shall be my motivation for now . Being a bisexual isn't such a bad thing after all !

P.S. : I have thrown out Adam Levine because he has already gotten attached to some stupid tennis playing son of a bitch. Go bang balls all day Adam ! Like I care !

Reasons for slimming?

I have a bag of bones boyfriend that makes me look/feel/seem really fat. As for Qayyumi , God knows how much he loves Linday Anorexic Lohan. To show his love for her , he has decided to shed his fats specially for her !

Oh yah one more thing.

Look at how I'm nearly squeezed out of the picture? Can't anyone sense the displeasure? So, I have to slim down in order to be kept in pictures !

Morning call

2005-09-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

I never like to give people morning calls.

Hollywood movies always potray how sexy people's morning voices are. In reality, like shit can? I must really beg to differ on this one very misunderstood point.

People who wake up to answer calls sound sexy and sleepy regardless what time and will never ever sound angry or irratated. Always sexy & husky plus more then happy to recieve / entertain your call.

In actuality, the people you make calls to, their tone sounds so pissed as if you have kicked their mother or have stopped them from making love to Angelina Jolie loh.

And my foot ! The like to show all the shows where after the call, they actors will jump out bed and rush off. In REAL life, people fall back to sleep like 90% of the time. And upon second phone call , they'll switch it off to silent mode !

So when they finally finish their beauty sleep, maybe say after the movie screening time or say 5 hours later , they'll call back and now thats the time they ACT sexy , sleepy and husk their voices. They will never apologise because they think that its their fucking birth right to chao dua when they need to sleep.

Even worst when people ask you to give them a wake up call and they don't answer because they have blatantly set it on silent mode before they went to sleep. This kind should be bang-ed by a falling lamp post.

Alarm clock fake one meh? Now so high tec even handphones have alarm also. Don't have handphone , pager also have ! Or use your house the bloody alarm clock lah. If you don't have all of the above , I really wonder why you don't have all the 3 items but yet have internet access to read my blog now.

COCK lah. Next time when people ask me to call them in the morning to confirm anything , I will ask them go fuck trees.

You don't find it selfish meh. Say you ask your friend the night before if he/she wants hang out. If they can give you a definate answer like NO , you can run along and look for someone else right? But NO ! Some people like to think that they are damn TUA BAI and that we need to call them in the morning to re-confirm. Schedule that packed meh ? Cannot even squeeze in 5 minutes to plan for the next day?

Now I not only not like people from China , but also people who make me give them wake up calls.

!!!

Raining.

2005-09-08T01:47:00.000-07:00

Managed to only really fall alseep at 2-ish am last night. Only to wake up at 6 plus and find that some itchy fingers had switched off my room lamp. My room was so dark can? And it was pouring outside also. My dog wasn't beside me either. Stupid bitch.

I don't know why lah.. I really can't fall alseep in total darkness. I bought a lamp from the salvation army for $10 specially so that I can switch that on instead of my room light. And my parents also have to switch that off. How much electricity can they save from switching off a lamp !

Had a nice fish soupy lunch with my parents at some kopitiam near Kovan. Went over to Heartland mall's cold storage for awhile .. Bought Sara Lee's cheesecake. SO NICE CAN!?!? Really damn nice. Later going to cut another slice to eat ! Stocked up on yogurt and soyabean milk as well. But shit lah. Forgot to buy my slimming tea. Have to go beg some from my sister later.

Today is a yawn. Recently, theres no nice movies to watch also. Corpse Bride doesn't open till 29 Sept. And until now there is no bloody news of my Memoirs of a Geisha.

Nothing much to blog today .. I'm so bored. I think I'll go help out mummy with the cooking now.

People suck.

2005-09-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

So happy! I was at Bugis with Angie today for a little bit of quick shopping. And we both got a tee shirt for only $5. Such a steal !

Anyway , I was at town nearly the whole afternoon and got myself a top from Future State only to come home and realise that it has a tiny hole in it. Actually, its really wee but mummy insists on changing it. You know how fussy old nags can be. Anyway I saw this really chio DKNY bag that cost only $299 but I'm already eyeing on a Guess bag. Not exactly eyeing cause I can't seem to find that model anywhere anymore. It's pretty old model I presume and I recently realised that it does resemble a Chanel model that I pretty much dig. So yah. Like for fucks sake, I cannot bloody afford Chanel .. so yah. Guess.

I spent like $9 on a stupid a oreo crush cheese cake and Cuppachino Italian style in such a wee cup. ( like who cares if its Italian, Greek or French?)

Stupid Pasta Cafe. I shall only go there in future when I'm with my parents or anyone willing to foot the tab. I seriously think Mc-cafe's $3 plus Mochachino is so much better. But have to admit that their cake was a darling. Well, the afternoon was so boring shopping alone so I decided that going to the cafe was so much better then sitting at any bench at Taka or walking into Zara for the 5th time.

I bought yet another shawl for $3 . Adds on to my collection of 7 shawls I always buy on an impluse but never wear out of the house. But this one looks pretty vintage with the flowers and stuff. Not bad making it my bed side table cloth too.

I think I have been spending too much recently. I'm kind of broke now . I wonder if there's any place I can sell my used clothes/ shoes apart from Ebay. Very tiresome to keep snapping pictures of the stuff and uploading plus writing an urber good description. Man, is there any jumble sale soon that I can rent a booth? I tried checking out the Flea markets but balloting for the stalls are starting like don't know when and they are only opened on the weekends so I have to bloody wait cause on weekends I'm so on a quick get aways.

Overall , the day was fine.

But, I think people from China are starting to piss me off. Not only with their stupid chee-nafied accent and the ZHA MEN shit. Can't they just say WO MEN like everyone else in SG?

At bugis street today, Angie and I were like cramped in some little shop at Bugis. And hell knows how hot is it there. So as I was browsing through the clothes , I heard some China accented chinese right behind me exclaiming how the material of a cardigan was so much like DUREX. Like WHAT THE HELL? So infront of me , was a very fat hand squeezing the brown cardigan and rubbing the material of it between her index and tumb.

" chinese chinese DUREX! more chinese chinese and more chinese DUREX ! "

Angie rolled her eyes while I couldn't resist but turn around to see which retard thinks cloth is condom. Only to see some Made In China fat slob in a black tube.
I mean like .. HELLO? Condom Cardigans? In Singapore NO? Maybe in your BeiJing or whatever YES?

As we walked out I couldn't help but accidenly on purpose say within a earshot " Like she'll ever have a chance to use DUREX."

But it's okay lah. That China made fat girl probably doesn't understand english judging from her stupid use of wrong adjectives to decribe clothes and lousy eye make up skills. So I assume she'll think I'm agreeing. OH yes! Feels so much like DUREX!

People from China suck. They actually think they look or are Japanese. I mean by such as rare chance like a polar bear with 2 dicks some of the China people do lah. Must admit. But that only applies if they keep their bloody mouth shut and be a dumb dumb and not try to con any one for a PR.

I think I blogged alot today.

boredom does kill

2005-09-05T21:20:00.000-07:00

Well , looking back at my 2 or 3 past entries, they all have one thing in common. They all scream menstrual.

At least there's something to be happy about. It's the one week September holidays now. Apart from having one entire week of only waking up with the intense urge to pee pee , I finally have time to use my NKF 20% discount coupon for a new pair of shoes.

Regarding my previous post. Oh yah. We had lunch as some of us talked about our boyfriends/girlfriends , life now and maybe still alittle on the old school scandals. After finding out that 2 were actually my primary school mates, (and being scolded a blur fuck by Ryan) , of course must make a little conversation.

BAD move.

They did possess a very funny accent. Not british maybe just the " Catholic High Slang" . They were overall good guests but only fucked up when one kept hao lianing about his 90+ marks for A math and how they at one point refuse to stop their conversation on chemistry. Like ninabei can?

Okay, final note. Both not cute. Only remembered one guy's name was Ronald. Thats so faggotish ! Like so Ronald Duck. QUACK !

So today , I shall study alittle and maybe pester my dear mother to accompany me for dinner and shopping later. I need a new bag as well. I'm getting sick of my mango handbags.

Plus , did I mention how I fucked up my jeans with great appreciation to someone ? I left them in bleach for the whole night. Now their like close to white. WHITE !!?!

All fucking thanks to Bobby.

Me: How to make my jeans nicer colour ah?
Bob: Put in bleach.
Me: Okay. for how long.
Bob : ( never reply for what seemed like forever )
Me: nudge !
Bob: What lah. Put in bleech lah. Just put only.

When I very du lanly logged on MSN to give him a piece of my mind the next day, all he could do was LAUGH and tell me what an idiot I was and he what he meant was to put part of the jeans that I wanted designs on in the bleech. And that wasn't my question in the first place. Such a BAD liar.

But it's alright. I have blocked him on MSN, deleted him off friendster and got his number off my cellphone. I have officially decided that he is now no longer in my friend list but totally tops the HATE list.

I love being a petty bastard. I hate him for ruining my nice pair of tapered jeans. How I know that his " just put only " doesnt mean the whole night. So don't argue. It's all his fault. I'm SO pissed because instead of apologizing or say the anything to make me feel better, he STILL can LAUGH AT me for being stupid and LOL LOL LOL.

I hope a big tree falls on him when he walks along any pathway.

*no more chatterbox. no one tags at them anyway.

YAWN

2005-08-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

I'm up so early .. It's like only 9-ish now. And the best part , it's a holiday today.

But anyway , I still have get up soon cause I got to pop by Ryan's place later on for lunch. My guess is it'll be some gathering .... How horrid. I'm going to have to go through another CNY-like trauma.

I hate gatherings. It's the time when people kaypoh into your affairs and claim innocently its just purly for catching up. Ryan has smart ass friends who will most likely piss me with their smart ass lingos topping it up with most phony british accents and unleash the Ah Lian in me.

It's okay. I'm there for the food.

But I haven't really been going over his place for quite sometime now.. We have not been talking on the phone either. It's a good chance for us to get together now. As in now , on a bright Thursday sleepy morning. Man that bitch can talk so much and intrest you so that you can give caffeine a pass. Who can go back to sleep after knowing your friend's boyfriend is gay? Opps.

Meeting Amber later on too .. Damn I almost forgot. Alright then . Ryan's going to kill me if I'm late. And fuck I haven't got a little gift for him or his mom yet. Shit ! And Ishy's birthday's round the corner. I got a real hard feeling that I'm going to be God-damn broke after today.

Got to go now honeys !

Boyfriends.

2005-08-31T01:30:00.000-07:00

" I know I have won not because my boyfriend is plain faithful but because he still comes back to me no matter how many chicks he has fucked behind my back. And its not like we're that die hard devoted either .. So chill. "

Whatever happended to my nonchalance? I can't believe I had this conversation with my bestfriend at Math class. Weren't I always the one who preached that to every other girlie who cried when faced with a suspected or already cheating boyfriend?

I'm hate it when the test of fidelity comes up. And I hate it even more when I have no faith ... not in myself but in the other party. It makes me pissed off because I know that I have stopped going on my sprees for new jocks to hook up with.

Actually after much thought , I think I was a pretty much a fucktard to feel sad. Or even slightly affected. Like the pretty bastard could be up any other chick's pants now as I sit here and watch lousy Animal Planet. I'm a DUMBASS. I say again , DUMBFUCKINGASS.

I wonder what's with the change in my ideology on relationships . What's with me actually thinking I should just stick to one? Settle down .. Love each other dearly.. Thinking that maybe it would work out. I could be the very unselfish girlfriend baking cookies for my boyfriend , looking so demure .. cringe at the topic of sex , Act the 100% shu nu part ..

KANINA LAH. And this is what I get ?

Man, I fucking don't reap what I sow.

.

2005-08-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

I just can't keep depending on people for anything and everything. Even parents hurt you , run you down till you don't worth no fuck. What more of people with no blood relations? It's really no point in trying to pin love from anyone apart from yourself.

I was so god-damn stupid to believe that it was all summer-time-at-the-beach but in actual fact , I'm like the biggest fuckiest jack ass on this globe.

Woke up with slightly swollen eyes today. I guess it must be the bad sleep and the constant rubbing of the eyes. I think I look like a total wreck now. Such a bad combi. But isn't it the usual combi? Well no , I didn't just have another bad break up. So stop guessing.

It's pretty rare that I'm so unable to contain my emotions. I mean the minute I stepped into campus and saw Siti , I just had to let loose and tell her everything .. It's like she's the only one whom I can relate the problems that I'm currently facing. She looked kind of shocked when I started tearing already. Being in the same class with me for 4 years , she's never seen me cry like a baby before and hell , her expression was unforgettable. =O

I still feel sucky though. My eyes still hurt and I haven't eaten anything since daybreak. I'm at my sister's place now. Her place is really like some women shelter. Always taking people in at the worst times but still as welcoming as ever. But guess the welcoming part only applies to me.

Hmmm. I just spent my time lying on the couch not wanting to do anything. Hearing the clocks tick serves as a reminder that I have to be home before 9. So I'm half way there to smashing the God-damn clock. The sun's not glaring. Thats a good thing and everything seems silent. I'm not even close to dozing off. Each time I try to , I just sit right up and think about yesterday.

I think i'll just go have a warm bath and try out the new shower foam I saw. Maybe it'll make me a pinch happier.

SCREAM SIAN. 123 !

2005-08-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Why have I been blogging so little recently? Simple because , I have been damn busy.

Really not kidding. Trying to finish my art piece.

After spending a few afternoons in a stuffy art room with a lousy radio and fuck paint brushes, I have completed 3/4 of my art piece. Now whats left would be the installation shit which you probably wouldn't understand and neither is it going to spark any interest in you even if I were to go into detail. So let's skip that.

Have a look at my art then.

Truth

Freedom

Beauty

Love

Yah. I'm not good with my hands. Whatever.

*

Went to the expo with Amber today. Got myself 3 books and I can't wait to start. And somehow or rather , all the books I chose all have something related to hooker-ism , prostituition ect. No idea. Just strikes the liking cord. And God knows how much I love reading. Been a long time since I got myself new books. Been re-reading. Can you believe I read Memoirs of a Geisha and Sexdolls both 3 times?

Sinful day with Amber. Bought a whole packet of chocs from some candy shop. And it's still sitting on my dressing table now. Wanted to give it to my parents and both of them wailed " we're on diet ! "

Old people are so dumb.

Anyway , after taking a train from expo to Sunny tec and walking around looking lost and after both our legs broke , we decided to hop in swensens for some ice cream.

I look so deprived.

Looks so fucking happy to pose with ice cream.

*attempted to take pictures with the cherry in a very pornstar pose and the pictures turned out si bei revolting. So can't post up.

eat ! eat ! eat!

eat somemore!

Ice cream too nice. Can't be bothered to pose.

I didn't finish my ice cream .. and the whole thing melted till it really put me off even trying to finish it. But Amber's one was so cute. SEE!!

The smear on the table looks so spermy.

GOT SOME 4 POLKA DOT THINGY SOMEMORE.

!!!

Wednesday

2005-08-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

I have recently developed a thing for ....

Jogging.

HAHA. Serious. I have been jogging for the past 1 week now.. or maybe less. But still , very proud of the fact that I have decided to give slimming tea a pass for a healtier alternative.

Anyway, the only fear I have is to bump into people. Here's the list.

schoolmates/ex-colleagues/friends/nosy neighbours/robbers/ham-sup-ah-peks/ex-boyfriends/the stalker/glue-sniffers-around-my-neighbourhood/bangala workers/kidnappers/talent scouts/ photographers/very-yandao-guy-living-at-the-next-block/kaypoh-aunties-that-force-you-to-chat/unfriendly pet dogs/pms-ing stray cats/big rocks on the pathway/ugly snails/people making love in bushes/drunk indians/long lost friends/horrible snakes with fangs.

Because I do not own any exercise wear and don't see a need to , (I mean who needs sports bras when there's maximizers?) I always wear my most nua tee , a pair of boxers and the rattiest sneakers around. I really can't face anyone wearing that plus I would be all breathless and so wet. oh sweaty I mean.

I got a little mini skirt , the kind that after one glance at it , all the mothers and go "mai cheng ka ho. " And it's been stuck in my wardrobe like forever so it's time I put that piece-of-cloth-that-can't-even-cover-half-my-thigh-although-damn-chio to some good use.

It's going to serve as motivation for me to stick to my jogging.

ps: really need to lose more weight. I can feel my thighs growing as if it has a life of it own !!!

*

Monday's make me blue . Thank-God-it's-Friday doesn't always work with me.

So, I LOVE WEDNESDAYS.

It's like smacked right in the middle of the week. It's close to the weekend, yet also close to another begining of a new week.

To embrace my love for the day Wednesday , I have ponteng-ed school today.

<3

lanie

looks

2005-08-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

I want to look tan and not malay.
I want to carry straw bags and not look ah soh.
I want to wear nice flowy skirts and not look fat like a teapot.
I want to have nice flowy long jet black hair like the Hang Ten ex-pornstar.
I want to know where I can buy inexpensive beady tops.
I want to be a beach bum.Period.

I don't want to look Ah Lian. So 1995.
I want a fucking bohemian look leh.

=(

I'm losing it.

2005-08-17T04:54:00.000-07:00

It's only a Wednesday and I feel so dead gone already. It's only a matter of time before I snap .. I can feel it coming .. *shakes head .. sigh.

A word of truth

2005-08-15T02:23:00.000-07:00

I don't give excuses and neither do I run away from problems. ( for now at least) I hate it when people doubt me or try to make me confess that I'm making desicions with a hidden agenda.

It's not easy being with an egoist nor is it easy being with someone who doesn't seem to care or bother about how your life is going to end up. Its pains when how one doesn't seem to mind even as you pack up and say you are leaving on the next flight to Timbuktu and never to come back again. But its the feel of insignificance that the very one provides that makes the departure one that you would never turn your head back to look but rather flip your ebony hair and be on your way without the burst of tear ducts.

Although , I rarely admit to my mistakes.. its hard to cover up when it takes 2 to tango.

Its not a matter about feeling happy or sad or how terrbile the feeling of longing creeps back. It's what I feel its best for us at this moment.

It's not easy patching back broken bonds and as much as I long to in time to come , we can't deny that people do move on and never turn back.

It could be a pity. None can tell.

Well, I can't hide the fact that I never loved. Because , I did. I really did.

I'm sorry.

With love,
Sharlane.

I hate chinese

2005-08-12T03:13:00.000-07:00

I got a fucking D 7 for my chinese can ? That's like a grade lower from what I expected. To think that I actually worked so hard. So going to throw away everything chee-na after the next re-take. Never ever going to speak chinese again. I really cannot believe I got a D7. Must be some British guy that thinks chinese tea is piss marked my paper.

I see my aims dropping right before my eyes. Okay.. Let me tell you.

At first , I wanted to go to Junior college because they are permitted to wear so short killer skirts so that I can hook boys whoses families are very rich.

But had to be realistic abit lah. With my kind of results and legs.

So after watching Legally Blonde , I got so inspired to be a lawyer, I decided to get into a Poly to do the course Legal Studies. Following that, persue a Degree and blah blah blah and of course marry a rich lawyer. Same field leh !

But , I buang-ed my Maths. So no hope for poly.

Nevermind. There were still options.

I could pass 3 credits and get into Shatec. After getting the Dip , I would try the Airlines and fish for a rich man (preferbly Ang Mor) .

*

You see. I started out with such high hopes. Now like the twin towers like that. Crashed and burned. I cannot ta han this feeling of disappointment anymore. I want to actually sit for a test and confidently say that I'm going to ace it.

I think this is a wake up call.

I really need to prioritize. Right now.

*really hate the FAT bitch that cried when she got a b3. It's a B3 not a f-ing 9. I would have forgiven her for crying because she had burst her bra but no ! She has to cry over a B3. And make people look at me like I'm some buey tak chek Ah Lian that doesn't even know or bother about chinese. Na Bu.

the cut from the former

2005-08-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

what happens when your ex boyfriend sneaks back into your life .. ?

Like a thief in the night , he trys to rob you of your heart once more. You try to hide your vulnerable self. But yet you can't deny that he indeed managed to reopen wounds.

" i'm living in regrets that i left u that time. "

" cause i had problems that time hais. no point explaining now right. that why i'm living in regrets. unless if history come to happen. hahahs "

"well if we can get together nothing will be able to pull us apart again."

I see these messages spring up on my IM and I stare at the screen blankly. What started out as a normal how-the-fuck-are-you ? conversation turned into something so sensitive. I didn't really know how to think for that moment. A tiny part of me badly wanted to rebuke him and say .. " now you're feeling the way I felt. " But , I guess the safest was to just click x .

He was way too point blank with his feelings for my liking. I was kind of blown away by the sudden gush of emotions in that particular conversation. But somehow, I guess he's the past and I just got to let him be.

He's started texting me again. I'm really speechless and I don't know how to react or reply.

He'll remain my past. A closed chapter of my past. I guess....

Anyway , Jonathon a.k.a the stalker too has been asking about me recently according to Qayyumi. I hope he doesn't do anything drastic again like camping outside my house and I sincerely hope that he has found another girlfriend cause I felt that bad about the other time when he dumped his half blind girlfriend and used me as the reason for break up. And I swear I had nothing to do with it. I'm innocent. And I so fucking don't want bad karma.

I always had this funny feeling bugging me that maybe his ex is like cursing and swearing at me, hoping I get herpes or whatever. Cause that fucker made me seem like like 3rd party vampy mistress with long red nails. Sometimes, I'm so very tempted to send his ex a message to apologise for I don't know what I did wrong anyway. I mean just to make that sorry ass feel better for her loss. And I keep thinking that had I just told Jonathon to go suck his own cock from the very start, he wouldn't have dumped her and stalked me.

Damn. I shouldn't have fucking gave him my cell phone number in the first place.

Oh why are we talking about the past? He's history man. This one no I guess. This is a SURE over and done with.

I stayed in school with Yong Jian and Vivian to like 7pm but Yong Jian decided to run midway cause he couldn't tahan all the tests. The best thing , he actually volunteered to get us dinner but we declined though. God knows when he'll be back cause our school's like smacked right in the middle of some forest like place. So in the end, I settled for Desmond's Oreos instead.

Most likely will stay back in school to complete my Art tomorrow. The new male art teacher is a darling although not very much of an eye candy , he does help out alot for our art pieces. Thank God for him for I wouldn't know what would have happened to my very in-complete art piece.

Oh yeah. Mommy collected a tee I bought on ebay for me and it's what I expected it to be. Cost me onlt $4 and it says Porn Star Academy. I'm so going to wear it to church.

Okay fine. I'm kidding.

Nights.

Ahhh.

2005-08-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

I dream , wish and hope that I can be an Air stewardess. Nothing is going to stop me me not even Bibian who tells me that the uniform looks like some NTUC uniform !!
*Pulls out a bunch of hair in mock fustration.

Anyway today was pretty alright. Had lunch with my parents are some indo restaurant Rice Table at town . Walked around Tangs with them and bought myself a bra. The bra is damn chio. There's even fake diamonds ( Bling ! Bling ! ) on it. And it only costs $40. The bestest best buy this month.

Later on , walked over to Cine and caught the show Stealth with Aik. The show was just full of explosions. I tell you , I will give this show up anytime for some para para gaming session at Hougang Mall with all the Xiao Ah Lians.

Dinner saved the day though. Had a hell of a sinful meal at Jack's Place. Had Spagetti and Banana Split.

My period is coming and I am very happy ! I'm feeling so bloated and hungry all the time. But the best part is , my bra has gone up one cup although they are swollen and slightly painful at the most gentle bangs. but still , HURRAY to bigger boobs !!! That's the very good thing about water retentions and I really hope the boobies say for good. The zits are popping though... hmmmm.

Going to paint my art piece now. It's been rotting under my bed for like 4 days and my mom's nagging like an old hag.

NIGHTS!!

..

2005-08-08T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up and felt that I looked like a God-damn Dodo Bird.

my BROKEN heart

2005-08-08T07:34:00.000-07:00

My heart so pain loh okay when I heard about my friend ( J ) and his GF problem. Or should I say EX.

I was so sad when he said that he will no longer want to give the relationship another try and that he would rather jio the VERY overfed girl with the bursting bra from sec 5.

Not that it is any of my concern but I still have to say something.

I FUCKING HATE 3RD PARTIES. KNNBCCB.
*say in si bei Ah Lian manner.

They hit spiltsville because of some very UGLY guy (N) whom also happens to be the guy that my classmate had previously crushed on and even slit her wrists because of him. She liked him for an entire year can??

When I look at him, I scanned him from left to right , top to bottom.
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING ATTRACTIVE AT ALL.

And I don't know why all the bitchs flock to him like he is fucking Adonis. Kns. Really , KA-NA-SAI. Furthermore, I always thought of my friend J as a very good boyfriend. He can love his gf and give in to all her 2 timing shit and to the extend that he can ta han her finding fault over the most trival matters to quarrel. So sometimes I really cannot ta han the way the girlfriend climb on his head and shit , I snatch his cellphone and help him with the sms arguments. Hmp. And I win ok. K.O. No Doubt. But then he will scold me and say I made things worst. =(

Always tell him to be a man, he always answer me .
" Cannot lah. Love her too much. "

Love the girl alot cannot be a man and answer back meh? Like that is called DICKLESS. I always don't know why I'm so angry. I think it is partly because my period coming and there is a zit on my nose.

AHHHHHHHHHHH.

SI BEI DU LAN.

How I wish that kanina 3rd party wake up without his balls tomorrow.

. YOU ran through my head like a bitch

2005-08-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

As she wiped a stray hair away from her face and started showering blows onto her keyword with her fingertips. She thought over her day and came to a conclusion that nothing was too significant for her to actually remember. But then , she thought hard..

Oh yes... There was something bothering her.

But she felt that she thought too much .. Hell yeah.. she told herself.

Too much .. too fucking much..

But then again , she can't rule out any possiblity that infidelity wouldn't exist. She slouched alittle more into her chair and rolled her tongue around her mouth and pouted her lips to the moniter.

I got all the love to give and all my life to live.

This corny lyrics of a very drama-mama song suddenly evolved into some divine calling. Looking around the house for something else that could occupy her mind , she lay her eyes lazily upon her cell phone and she fiddled around it and scanned through her text messages once more. Why was she trying to chuck this bugging feeling that was so inscrutable at the back of her head?

She wouldn't even bother to classify that coquette as a nemesis. She thought about the qualities that they both possessed and finally saw the light and realised that the one and only thing that the other had was being venal. She so wanted to pass her off as nonentity but somehow or rather , she had a bad feeling to it .

Rob me off my sanity but not the pride I took so long to rebuild. Don't make me fall back into where I came from.

It wouldn't happen she reassured herself. She'll not let her fears get the better of her again. No. Never.

It was time to connive.

With a tiny glint of a smirk , she click Publish Post and retired to her crib for a good night of deep undisturbed sleep.

AIYOOOOO !!

2005-08-02T06:03:00.000-07:00

Aiyo ! Ee choon cried in class leh. Cause of everyone tauting him and calling him GAY ! Whats wrong with being gay ?
If you are gay and you are happy , you are called a gay gay ! teeheehee. Okay, are you guys like laughing AT me? Or WITH me?

So , I went to Hougang mall today. Actually was susposed to go back to school for night studies but ended up they didnt allow us cause we didn't wear school T-shirts. Very kanina can? I already come and study you still want to come and be picky about what to wear ! Hmp!!!

But nevermind. There's this revolving shitty bright looking thingy outside Hougang mall that looks like a merry go round but when I wanted to attempt to climb on it , there was a sign below saying , " Be careful , High voltage. "
Na bei. This kind of warning sign should be placed on top right? Put below let who see? Let people who's genitals kena electrocuted and fall flat on their face then see ? And its like be careful , so in other words mean , sit on the damn ride if your genitals are insulators if not BE CAREFUL.

The zebra damn cute.

Mr Lian say that I'm damn sua ku that I never hear of Pan cake burgers before. Like pancake is pancake . Burger is Burger what. How to combine !!!!

But YES !! There is such a thing. Hougang mall is going to have a stall selling them . So you see , you all should just fuck the night studies and study at hougang mall Macs lah.

PANCAKE BURGERS!! I wanna try cos' I'm damn sua ku. See even the fried fish telling me it's fresh !

Damn boring while waiting for my Dad to pick me up so I decided to make use of the time to take some pictures and the si bei shy Munesh don't let me take his picture and he ended up advertising for Old Chang Kee instead.

Behold the power of old chang keeeee

Blogging

2005-08-01T02:31:00.000-07:00

I have been busy this week. SO busy.

Well, I could really do a long day at the beach tanning baby. It's been so hectic.

Anyway , school is really fucked. Been thinking of what its like when it ends anyway. Have my last penny on the bet that I wouldn't miss it and give it a pass for night time tv anytime soon.

It's such a sad thing when school's out and all ya friends only pop out when the silver moon's shine is bouncing off their ebony hair while I stay in after 9pm watching rented vcds after vcds. ( Not even dvd loh. )

Damn bloody sad when I think about it.

I need a life man. I need a fucking L I F E .

piss

2005-07-28T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's weird but I somehow sense some innuendo in a paragraph of shit I read today. Stirred up some feelings ... I never expected to feel maybe cos' I never read hard enough to sense the underlying motive of the text. Oh well , no point pondering over worthless one liners aimed to irratate.

One day repercussion is going hit that bitch like a car bang. And I swear I'll be the one laughing REAL hard if she attempts to fuck around with me one more time.

I'll even laugh en route to detention class. No doubt.

Rain Rain Go Away.

2005-07-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

Monday sucked no doubt. None of my favourite lessons are scheduled on a Monday. Getting increasing anxious to get over and done with my Os so that I can stop waking up when it's still bloody dark.

Caught a movie with Aik. Was susposed to watch the movie Necromancer but ended up in the wrong cinema and watched the show Mind Hunters. It was along story of buying the right tickets and wrong time blah shit. Can't be bothered to bore you anyway but whatever it is , the show was great.

Rainy days are so for staying in under the covers munching on a bag of calbee potato chips watching CSI.

Pressure from my parents to study every day , my curfew and my very miserable allowance is making me very sick. Like it hasn't been making me sick enough.

Well , sometimes all I want to do is , have a nice cosy apartment with my cat and dog. And all I do all day is write a novel or for a magazine and paint art pieces and maybe do a little photography. During my free time I will do alittle charity work at SPCA or hang out at a cafe with my girlfriends. I will bring my dog to the beach on Sunday mornings after church and we will have a hell of fun there.

Most importantly , I want to live life the way I always think of it before I fall sleep every night.

The moment I think of the day I get my fucking O level certificate and present it to my parents and tell them to piss off because I'm going to be a porn star , I start hyperventilating. Duh. I'm kidding.

Actually keep hiding how feel about life and how I truly want to lead it.
Maybe one day I'll find the one I can pour it all out . Maybe. Keeping my fingers crossed.

thats all for tonight.

SUNDAY MORNING

2005-07-24T05:04:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 7 ! ON A SUNDAY . Can you believe it anot?

Headed down to the gym with Eileen. Did 20 minutes on the threadmill and died. Okay everyone was staring at my shoes. So I turned to Eileen and said.

Me : Aiya why so many people keep looking at my feet . My legs very ugly leh nothing nice to see. They are making me very self concious.
Eileen : I think its because of your shoes. *snigger

Yes I do know that my shoes are not some adidas but rather some china made white shoes sold outside Hougang mall at $3.90. But they didnt have to stare as if I didn't have feet and was que-ing for the threadmill. Anyway , I sewed some buttons on it and Eileen says thats the reason why people are staring.

Its very pretty ok. I spent like an hour sewing the buttons that formed a shape of flower and I was at that point in time watching televison as well as on the phone. So the buttons abit crooked or what cannot be blamed lah. Multi tasking mah. It's okay I'll take a picture of it soon and show it to you all. I mean even if it looks a tad retarded , give me some credit for being unique can ?

Anyway , we went for a swim later on. Actually not really a swim .. More like a bitching session in a pool full of little kids in PJs and Ah peks trying to float.

After which I went home and slept for 2 hours until my mother banged down my room door and forced me to wake up for dinner.

Yah. Thats how I spent my Sunday. Oh fuck which means it's a Monday tomorrow. Someone please tell me that I'll fall off the bed and break a limb so that I can be excused from the endless Math classes?

*sigh didn't wake up naked under the covers with Mr. Pitt this Sunday with sunlight streaming in through the velvet curtains and little birds chirping outside. It's okay. I'll hope for next.

Brad oh Brad. You make me drool.

As promised

2005-07-23T04:13:00.000-07:00

Not blogging much today . Happy viewing.

*
Special thanks to Qayyumi for the pictures and Siti for her very chio baju.

Oh is that Andrew ? And I look si bei melayu.

Still me and Siti. Yes yes posing just before I had to rush off for art class. That explains all the unwanted people in the picture. eg Amir. See the head between me and Siti's .

Qayyumi my whore and me posing with his very incomplete art piece. Look !This time Amir managed to get his fat ass in the picture.
( actually to get the picture right, we just took some batik cloth and draped it around the so naked blue headless leg-less thingy )

Amir trying to act arty with a stupid paint brush.

Me and Aaron. Wei Liang looks like a perturbed Ah beng. I wonder why I look so god damn happy.

Be right back tomorrow.
*winks

Untitled

2005-07-21T03:04:00.000-07:00

took pictures of me in my baju kurong . Yes will post them up once qayyum gets on line.

I'm officially going to shop till I drop tomorrow. I mean like Amen its a Friday.
Saturday , I will be attending some shitty workshop till 6pm.
Sunday , will be going church in the morning to pray that my mom doesnt update the bankbook.

And just as I thought I had all the time in the world.

*
I miss crabs. Yes I do. I do. I do. I do.
Fishy Fishy. Heh.

*ATTENTION

2005-07-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

I ran through my study today and I found an old diary of mine.
Every thought of mine I put down in words , no lies , nothing written with a hidden agenda. I dare say I bared my soul in it.

And the best part , whatever I wrote inside it , I don't have to worry what others might feel or who I might offend because its for my eyes only.

Here , whatever I type , people form an impression from the mere words. Say some people think I'm a slut . An SPG wannabe . A fucking chao ah lian. Yeah. People do judge. And I'm sick of how blogging always makes me land up in crap esp when I have to explain why I wrote this or why I slandered him/her or how insenstive I was. And furthermore, I too, the owner of this bloody blog have to also be exposed to verbal abuses because of the way my brains form an opinion.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

Yah whatever , call me a whore , say I fuck around , attend mass orgys , have herpes , had an abortion , slept with your neighbour's best buddy's cousin's roomies twin brother . Say whatever and think whatever you want of me. You know why ?

Because I don't give a fuck anymore. It wasn't like I did before ... But this time it's going to be really like this.

A : Lanie , XXX called you a whore.
ME : I love my toe nails.

So now , I will not only not bother to answer something more offensive like her mom has a smelly cunt but also , not bother to even attempt to slap the person in the toilet.

BLAH !

the most important thing here is , you don't find people bitchin about ugly people's sex life / dicks / pussys / boobs / tits because no one cares or knows of their existence and neither do you find guys boasting during lunch that they got into some fugly fat bitch's pants.

So don't flip when you hear crappy stuff about yaself. Take a deep breath and thank God that at least , people still find you so fuckable and so much that they can't contain it and have to share it with their friends or some may even go to the extend of fantasizing you as they wank. Yes. It's a compliment. Take it.

PERIOD.

*
There's always 3 sides to every story.
His side , Her side & the truth .

My apologies.

2005-07-19T05:03:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not blogging these few days. Been rather busy.

I got molested by Desmond Sek today. And he claimed that he had accidentally slapped my bum. How can u ever by "accident" spank someone's butt ? I don't understand. Don't bother to anyway.

Everyone is carrying the neon coloured $1 bag from the hougang mall's $1 shop.
It blinds me each time I reach school and get greeted by all the so very bright neon coloured bags. In so many colours like orange , pink , green ect. Look like some Pasa Malam loh. Further more it is transparent , and it's so dumb to let the whole school see the contents in your bag like your failed Maths test score lah or your tampon pouch . But this damn trend is spreading like ebola.

Not cool. Not at all.

Oh well , I will be wearing Siti's malay ethic costume on Thursday. I look kinda funny cause the tops kinda loose cos I ain't got enought boobs to fill it all up but the best thing is, the skirt fits well.

To Ishy : I'm an SPG for NICO. Shall I make that a WE ?
To everyone : free tomorrow , friday & sunday. Any takers?

WITH LOVE ,
LANIE !!!

Happy Birthday

2005-07-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

We are the best birthday present that I could ever receive.

You gave me the sweetest 16 birthday .

<3

Next time I'll kick your nuts

2005-07-12T01:34:00.000-07:00

I think I broke my back today when I fell down the stairs which sent all my art supplies flying everywhere. It wasn't really a topple and fall kind of fall .. More of like a backward slid-down-the-steps kind. So , I guess my reaction was too huge cause I flung my hands upwards and $%$&* . Everything was all over the place.

Things weren't rainbows and butterflies when I got to Maths class later either. This son of a bitch classmate of mine was being a real pain in the ass. You see , I badly wanted to get home to rest and I need a cell phone to call my mom and get her to pick me up. I didn't bring mine so I had to ask around.

So as he was being a fucking narcissistic lardhead taking pictures or maybe attempting to take a pictures , I asked to use the phone first.

Me : "Hey , can you pass me the cell for a min , need to call my mom. Thanks "
Him : " fucking kaypoh leh you. %&^$%^#$^@# "

WAS I BEING VERY RUDE? Lim bei was already half dead from pain and I still have to tolerate such shit from him. I swear if I had a fork with me, I would have shove it up his balls.

How the fuck was I being a kaypoh ? I intruded his privacy when he was taking pictures in a classroom? Futhermore the cell phone belonged to another classmate and she did agree to let me use it. Really doubt he has brains.Obviously I needed the cell phone more then he did . And he could have said something more polite like
"Can you let me take pictures of my fugly cockface first? I promise I'll be quick. Even quicker then how I usually secretly wank at the back of the class."

FUCKING BASTARD.

Take for example , If one day he breaks his neck trying to give himself a blowjob , and very obviously needs someone to call for ambulance . So happens I'm the only one with a cellphone and I'm happily snapping pictures of myself at that time and I not only not want to give up the phone but also scold him a "fucking kaypoh" for disrupting my precious photo shoot sesssions.

Am I being very cruel ?

Then you should know how I felt what. And the only thing difference for the example was the cause of the broken bone.

I keep thinking if I accidently pissed him off. But NO. He only came in during Maths and we don't even go to Art class together. So I decided to comfort myself by saying he's girlfriend left him and became a lesbo cause he couldn't fuck for fuck's sake and told him that plastic rocked more then his little birdie. Or maybe , he simply wanked his dick off .

*moving on. don't wanna talk about that kan bu anymore.

It's my birthday tomorrow. The sun is going to shine. Hope it'll be a nice day filled with nice people. And I'll have a good hair day and suddenly my waist will drop a few inches and my boobs grow a cup bigger.

Haha. Whatever.

Will blog about my birthday. Promise.

See ya. <3

3 MORE DAYS

2005-07-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

My parents bought some slimming thingy that costs $300 plus and are both trying to fog me into believing that its a birthday gift for me. Well, it's something the whole family can use... since whats left of the family staying here is just me and them. Oh .. Gave it a try just now and the damn thing vibrates so hard. My fats literally danced.

*

I don't want to live the same day twice.

I put alittle thought in that but then again came to a conclusion that I was far too hum ji to quit my studies now at this point in time and be a full time volunteer at SPCA , learn yoga , get married at Las Vegas , sign up for Art classes and some make up course as well as doing what I always wanted , don my birthday suit in the name of charity.

An O level certificate is like a fucking stepping stone. Without it , I can't go anywhere. But then again , it really bores me because I know my hearts not in it. I want to persue my dreams but no one seems to have faith that dropping studies to do what one loves is actully not mental.

Guess I'll just have to bite my tongue and hold back. It's only a matter of months before the exams come and go. Then I'll find a temp job and slowly start making up for lost time.

It's so nice being in love now too . It feels even better then happy 5 pills.

True love never lives happily after .... True love never has an ending.

2005-07-08T06:16:00.000-07:00

I had a great day with Aik today.

Watched the movie Fantastic 4 . Please don't watch that show. Don't even think about it.

Had dinner somewhere.

Although we were at a sucky mall , watched a sucky movie and had a not-so-sucky dinner. I still enjoyed myself.

It's not about the place , the activies done or the food ate.

Give me today. I would have chosen to spend this day like this with him.
Give me any other day , I would still have chosen him.

It's not about anyone else.

It's about Aik.

(^^,)\/

This Fashion

2005-07-07T02:31:00.000-07:00

School was fine. Just that , I was pretty shocked.. not with anyone , but myself.

C brushed against me during Geography and said excuse me .. with his hands on my lower back. His lips were just inches away from my neck. It wasn't exactly totally un-intentionally... I guess... cause he gave me a little smile after that. The kind of smile that only the end of the lips curl up alittle. Oh fuck , the bloody Mona Lisa smile that kind la.

C has been my classmate since like forever. I can't get horny by just a simple brush pass from him. If it was some other really drop dead hot Ang Mor then there would be a little possibility. Definatly. But C ? Hello.

So it has been on my mind for nearly the entire day .. Wonder why I felt that way. It's not like I'm a Lucy Liu and get wet just by someone brushing against my knees.. Just that mine's a different spot.

My world is not all about guys. I'm aware of my sexual orientation . I also do acknowlegde the fact that I am a tad bisexual.

It's not that I don't love my boyfriend. I just can't help not not liking another girl. The funny thing was, I always thought that I was really straight .. Probably cos' I was too dick crazy in the past. But I always had little crushes on girls here and there.

My first crush was in Grade 6 maths class. I had a thing for this really nice girl and the only thing that spoilt her was her overwhelming ( and I fucking mean over whelming ) Body Odour. I literally fainted when I smelt her. It killed all fantasies of wanting to snog her there and then.

Sometimes , I blame my bisexualism on my curiousity. Alittle too much from guys and things get boring and you wish you could do something to spice thing up alittle.. And you wonder what's it really like with another girl. I mean hooking up with someone who has all the genital you have.

Like they say , curiousity killed the pussy. Opps I mean cat.

I never had a serious girlfriend. Although me and one of my rather close friend had this idea that we should really be a couple one day. But we soon aborted the idea after we both got boyfriends. So the plans have always been shelving.

The one I had in high school was way way different. I was ao attracted to this chick that I literally stalked her. Not to the extent lah.. But just made an effort to be where she was so I could talk to her. She was a straight A student so I really didn't fit into her clique already. But I always somehow managed to nab a seat near her during assembly. Although it required a little bit of pushing and cussing.

Since I'm in a heterosexual relationship now.. I think it's time I grow out of the slight inclination of liking girls shit lah. Maybe just settle for a HIM. I do want kids anyway.

Be thankful for the day.

2005-07-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

School was alright today. My friends who heard of Grandma's death offered me hugs .. Yup. And those helped a great deal. =)

So don't worry. I'm getting along fine. Thanks for all the tags and texts

moving on.

Lets have a little peek.
Me & Amber's convo

ѧɱɓεя: Something caught me... says:
how u n ur bf
``````` L A N I E ..... ` ~ My life as a monochrome film strip says:
not bad
ѧɱɓεя: Something caught me... says:
nv ka his $$ ah
ѧɱɓεя: Something caught me... says:
or u learn to love
``````` L A N I E ..... ` ~ My life as a monochrome film strip says:
i think i have learnt to love
``````` L A N I E ..... ` ~ My life as a monochrome film strip says:
shit this is depressing
``````` L A N I E ..... ` ~ My life as a monochrome film strip says:
lol

My first step in conquering my biggest fear.

To fall in love again.

when will I stop faking my smiles.

2005-07-04T05:53:00.000-07:00

What is the point of blogging?

To let everyone who has access to this site know my weakness and use it against me?
Or scoff at my personal opinions ? Grammer mistakes? Lack of vocab ?

I try to be as honest as possible here. But somehow , baring my soul on the internet ......

Sitll , I badly need an avenue to vent my anger and fustrations.

It's been such a long time since I'm really happy. I'm always so tired with everything. Something has to prick me and I'll get alittle pissed.

I look at myself in the mirror and what do I see ? A 16 year old delinquent with truckloads of problems.

The windows of my soul are tainted.

Jaded. Yes... I am.

Sometimes I wonder what would it be like to just walk away. Cut all ties and just leave. L E A V E . Walk away from all the troubles life has.

Maybe I need a diary. Not a blogspot.
And you know what. Add in a hiatus. A real long one.

My Grandma.

2005-07-03T02:13:00.000-07:00

My eyes are puffy and I got the darkest eye rings in history.

Grandma is going to be cremated tomorrow. It's 1.42 am now. Going to have my bath and head back to the wake and most likely stay there till next morning. I know it's kind of lame to see me just standing by her coffin and talk. But I really do miss her and it is just that when she was alive , I never really got a chance to really talk to her. I mean I can't speak hinanese for fuck's sake.

One of our relatives called from L.A and when I picked up she was already crying and she asked to speak to Daddy and Daddy ended up crying too which inturn made me shed a few tears. So many distant relatives and Grandma's majong kakis came and attended the wake. I never knew she had friends and I really didn't know I had so many relatives. And I also had no idea that the MP Lily Neo and the owner of the company Jill Lowe is actually some distant relative of mine.

So , Grandma looks really pretty.No that she wasn't pretty in life. It's that that , make up really create wonders. Each time I step by and look at her , I think back of the times when dementia hadn't eaten up her memories. My grandma had a fall. And it was the fall that triggered the whole lot of complications. Grandma took the fall really hard on herself . She felt that she was being a real burden and she didn't really sleep much at nights because the pain was unbearable but she really didn't wanna bother us so she just sat up on her bed and cry.

I remember one night when I went into her room and just sat beside her. Not knowing what to say or what to do. We both sat there in silence for what seemed like forever. Until she told me to go and sleep. I then turned to her and gave her a hug. I was pretty surprised because , I never really outwardly shown affection towards her. But then again , I was really digusted with myself that I couldn't do anything but sit by her in silence. I really hope my hug helped.

No longer will she ne able to nag at me to have my dinner. One of the chairs at the dining table will be empty , she's not going to fall alseep on the sofa from watching afternoon tv . Nor is she going to tell me how pretty I am and pass me handfuls of coins before I leave the house. Neither is she going to laugh at me when I do my aebrobics in the hall. And, I'll never have the chance to hear her call our dog "mimi" when her name is actually "bebe" anymore.

Man, I'm tearing again.

Grandma. If only I had a chance, I would tell you that I really do care.

I remember so many things I did that made her so sad. The time when I ran away from home and she stayed up all night to wait up for me or when I was younger , I would always attempt to hide behind her when mummy chased me around with the cane because I was caught having a boyfriend. Or me arguing with Daddy till it got so loud she woke up and told both of us to shut up. I think I pretty much upsetted her a good number of times.

I really can't bear to let Grandma go. Although I know she's just retired into enternity but .... I really really will miss her around the house. Do you have any idea how much I wish to turn my head to the side and still see her sitting on the sofa and trying to irritate me by asking me to off the kitchen light for the gazillion time?

But , the sofa's empty and all I can hear is the taps on the keyboard.

And yes , I want to thank all my friends that attended the wake. I really do appreciate you all in making time to drop by. Didn't expect so many to come and I was pretty much touched that you actually guys bothered. Thanks.

And that's all for today. I'm really going to hate tomorrow because Grandma is going to be burnt and ... It's really time to accept that she's gone and never ever will be back . It's like the finale kinda thing.

Oh Grandma if only I could hug you tell you in hinanese that I really do care and love you , I'm wouldn't mind sitting by you in silence for as long as forever.

I LOVE YOU GRAMPS.

Grandma

2005-07-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

I woke up to my Dad's cries just before day break . I shuffled around beneath my covers before registering that .... he was really crying.

I jumped out of bed and out to the hall only to see Daddy sitting on the floor sobbing like a young child. I shifted my eyes over to Grandma.. Grandma lay lifelessly on the bed. No longer was there any breathing. No sound of her gasping for air . Nothing. NIL. I could only hear the life support system now.

I sat down on the bed and spoke to Grandma just like old times.. only that this time there was no response. I held her hand .. still warm .. As if there was still life in her. The more I spoke , the more tears trickled. A sense of loss swept over me. I was devastated by the death of my Grandma. The woman I took for granted that would always be there. I gave her a peck on her forhead before really accepting the fact that she'g gone.. and never going to be back.

" Why are you crying Daddy ? "
Daddy looked at me as if I had asked the most stupid question on mother earth.. Shaking his head , between uncontrollable sobs , he managed to say .. " She's my mother."

There are only 2 times in my life I have seen Daddy in tears. One , was when I was sentanced. And today. It was weird having to see Daddy , the head of the house , sitting on the floor just literally breaking down.

Daddy told Grandma to sleep peacefully and he'll take care of everything. I watched through the layers of tears.. Mommy too. Daddy seem inconsolable. I didn't know what I could say or do to make him feel better.

*sigh

I'll miss you too Grandma.

.

2005-07-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

Words fill the empty pages that once tore my heart.
Now I see ...
You mean much more to me then it really seems.
Slit my heart
You'll find nothing but you.

<3 crab.

Oh la la .

2005-06-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

It's going to be July soon.
My birthday is coming and I never really realised it .

I have never really celebrated my birthdays in the past. The first birthday cake I recieved from a friend was from Bibian last year. The best birthday pressie I got was from some guy who lived a few floors above me. Although we attended the same school , we never spoke much to each other and it shocked me when he rang my door bell on my birthday and presented me with a very huge stuff toy.
I was so shocked that he knew/remembered my birthday. I didnt even say thanks. I was shell shocked. I was speechless. Like :O

(Although the stuff toy lies in my storeroom now , I do still feel a pang of guilt that I didn't even say thanks leh. )

Why are birthdays that significant ? The only party I ever had was one at Macs when I was in primary 3 and I cried that day. Not because I was touched but because one of my cousins pushed me down when we were playing musical chairs.

Haha .. So much for a parteh.

Anyway , got to go now. I still have to check my mails and get my essays done.

It ain't fun being you.

2005-06-28T02:36:00.000-07:00

Today was a very tiring day ... Last night , I was up till about 11 doing my 2 history essays but only migrated to lala land at around 2 . I still have to mug for science test and on top of that , do a write up on some article. .

WAH. It's damn sian .

Anyway , Siti got me a nice adidas tee today and that really brightened my day up alittle. But then again , she fucked up alittle. When ws walked past our home room today , and me , trying to avoid making eye contact with him at all cost , she really just have to make me feel awkard and yell , " HELLLLO WS !!! " . So guess what happened ? I spilt apple juice on myself. And that, sparked off alot of fake coughs and weird looks. Look here man , I must say it wasnt a coincidence. The he-walks-by-I-spill-shit thing but , we are like so over. He was so Feb or was it March? Anyway , stop coughing.

I skipped the Maths mock exams today. And I finally went for a facial. So yah lah. I skipped that Maths test for my skin and even if i attended I'll just be wasting paper so why bother? Going to get our lockers soon and thats great cause I can dump my entire bag in. Its so tiresome pulling the bag everywhere you go .

Been eating cai pao for 2 days already. Still going to continue cause I need money for urgent matters. Please do not call me for anymore shopping trips. I'll really slap you.

I asked yong jian to ponteng maths with me yesterday. And that ass did'nt dig his ears and thought I asked him to ponteng the entire day. I wonder if i'll get into any shit for skipping the exam. I guess I'll just fake some tummy ache.

Got to run now. Lots of work to do , people to slap , strangers to bitch , dinner to eat.

You can feel it in your bones.

2005-06-27T05:34:00.000-07:00

When your tear ducts snaps and even as it runs you dry , you still feel that your heart weighs like the entire world ... it really marks the end doesn't it?

I'm too caught up in myself then to bother with the worldly affairs ..
To slander is divine. Maybe ... this little bug will come back bite me and I'll be me again.. But looking at life through rose tinted glass isn't that fun anymore. There's always a reaction. What goes up must come down. Karma isn't going to stop being a bitch isn't she ?

School is as bland as salad without dressing.

Girls who claim they are bitches are as mild as genital wash.

Irritating people are like Aids , they'll never go away.

A rise in allowance would be the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Often said , Life's a bitch and then you become one. Well , if thats true. Who let the dogs out ? I'll be deaf from all the barking.

I lack excitment in life . I hate the stodgy routine I'm susposed to keep by. It drowns my dreams and crushes my hopes. God really must have hated me.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

2005-06-26T05:26:00.000-07:00

School packed with so much shit and my weekends are burned.
How the fuck am I susposed to find time for myself .. my friends and everything else?

Bite my tongue and follow the timetable?

How about having you to slurp all ya mama's cunt juice ?

I'm so sick of all the school activities because , it just blows. Doesn't anyone understand how FUCKED I'm feeling .. Come on man. Give me a god damn reason why I shouldn't be cussing.

This is a real bad time for repercussion.
Trust me.

It's a matter of time before I snap . And you'll all wonder ,
" Where did she go ? ''

And I'll say ..

Shhhhhh... It's a sin to wake the ones 6 feet beneath.

MANGO SALE II

2005-06-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

I bought yet another top today. Both tops I got from mango are long sleeved. Very good for movie sessions and aiya.... it's also time I got some decent clothes to wear to church. Anyway , I need some flats. I'm very sick of wearing heels already. And my pair of mary janes are killing me each time I wear them. Tell me where I can get some good shoes. PLEASE.

I saw my exboyfriend today. Fuck it was awkard. I do hope we never bump into each other again. Too much left unsaid ..so much for being misunderstood. And then , his cousin calls up at night and claims he dials the wrong number. Oh whatever man.

My beautician has really M.I.A-ed . Please I really do pray that she doesnt die on us. Me and my sister really need her. It's been more then a month since I visited her. I badly need some facial and someone to shape my brows !!!

To reconcile is never child's play. Takes alot to throw away the hurt you have nursed for so long.. But there's always room for a try........ or at least ,,,,, I guess so. *sheesh. This is hard.

* P.S : I WILL MISS MR CRAB

MANGO SALE

2005-06-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

EVERYBODY GOT BAGS FULL OF CLOTHES.
and I only bought 1 top.

I have no idea why I cant seem to find clothes leh. And EVERYONE I tell you , EVERYONE had like bags full of clothes and I really couldnt find much stuff to buy ... I think I went too late.. Every thing was in a mess.. So sad. Shall go again tomorrow. This time I'll hit the one at Sun Tec.

Someone snapped pictures of me in the train. And they didnt even bother to hide. It was so obvious lah. Who sms-es like with their handphones shoved right up in their faces? Why wanna take pictures of my fake cleavage? Ever since I started dieting , I have became so flat . *shrugs.

Anyway , I couldnt like go up to them and accuse them of taking my pictures cos they'll just deny and most likely insult me lah. Say why I think I so chio all these kinda shit . I mean so bo liao to take pictures of fake cleavages , sure bo liao enuff to say such crude shit mah. But then again , it's flattering ... No one bothers to throw ugly girls second looks yet alone take her pictures, so .... I'M NOT UGLY.

Met Amberlyn today. We had sushi for lunch and we ate everything we didn't know. Some really tasted horrible. We tried one dish thats was some lobster thingy and we thought it was rotten prawns. So I had 4 fried tofus. SO NICE. *licks lips.

The weekend comes... and its time for my get away trip again...

I'll really miss my mr crab.

=(

whats the point ?

2005-06-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

...enolagniebssimiefildloymssimieilgnisgniebssimi

I don't know lah. Somethings in life don't happen the way you want it to happen or happen at the wrong time.

I'm not happy .

Something is wrong.

I am seriously not happy with my life now.

TO BE CONTINUED......

The butter on the wall

2005-06-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

It slides. It drops.

Like my heart , the leap in velocity is not impressive but .. it still dropped in the end. Not literally though. No point explaining what it actually relates to anyway.

I'm not feeling too good this morning. I slept at 5.30 am last night . And the entire time was spent thinking. My thoughts run through my head like a train. So many things I have chucked at the back of my head are unknowingly affecting my current life now. As I sit and let the thoughts run by and I ... slowly find the missing puzzles to the jigsaw.

Tuesday blues. YOU SHUCK.

Alright lets move on.

*

Don't we all hate stupid people ?

People who always think that simplicity was the best thing that ever happened to them? And to them every mortal is just fucking trying to taint their world? Sometimes I wish I could just tell them to FUCK OFF.

Nothing is that simple as much I wish it could be .

There was a time when I thought everything on mother earth was nothing complex , believed in everlasting love , true friendship ..
My friends betrayed me , boyfriends lefted me and my pet fish died.

I'm not a cynic . I just blog it cause I'm not feeling too soong today.

So as I rattle on , it's the old hurt that always give me the drive to write the most disturbing and vulgar posts. And I'm thankful for that.

I rather see the world perplexed then lived my life being lied to .

So that is why I hate people who think life is simple. Or rather think their fucking life is . If its really that simple , I really don't call it life baby. So , don't preach on how beautiful the world is cause I know your underlying motive is to hao lian that you have less problems then me.

Nothing is bona fide. I don't take that shit.

If it doesnt hurt till it bleeds it's a walk in the park.

And when I thought all was fine.

2005-06-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes , how I wish I could just .... throw away the realistic world aside and just sit back ... And thats when my weekend get away comes in handy.

I'm blinded by all the world's demands of what a young lady should be and should do. I want to lead my own life. I want to ..... be happy.

I want to chose who to love , who to leave my heart with and whose journey I want to walk with. I want to be me.

So what if i end up flipping burgers at Burger Kings ? So what if I spend my days working my ass off at starbucks? If I'm happy .. and if and the fingers that fill my finger gaps is the one person I love ... what more can I ask for?

I fall in love too. Why can't people understand?

I am a living creature with a heart that beats . I have feelings too. And this is pushing the limits.

Ahhhh. But , I got plans. I got big plans. And .... *shhhhhh. I ain't telling.

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up

2005-06-19T05:36:00.000-07:00

Everyone will prolly been asked this question at least once in this life.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

This question is often asked by the adults when at gatherings and when little ones come by and maybe irritate the balls out of them , so to make alittle conversation , this question comes in handy.

Most kids will answer the very model answer, which is like doctor , lawyer or fireman. You will never find a kid saying that he / she will want to grow up being a mafia or a moll. Because upon answering that , an awkard silence follows and mummy will come along with the fake smile and " He is still young " look and following that , its going to be spanking time.

So now , I want to list down what I want to be when I grow up.

Who cares what the adults say ? SPANK me lah.

*

1) A desperate housewife.
How many people will die to live on a street with the perfectly mowed lawn and a hunky garderner to hook up with? Man , look at all these women . They got the perfect ASS ! All of them.

2) A Rockstar
who wouldnt want to be paid to get drunk , get laid , get concaine stuffed up your nose 24/7 ? Replace water for booze , fight at clubs and just compose trash and just scream into mikes? And the only bad thing I can think about is , your boob job getting exposed. Other then that , it's heaven on earth baby.

3)A playboy bunny
*Sigh. There are no more playboy bunnies. But still , I think it would be pretty nice to be one. I like the little bunny tail. Makes me horny just by thinking I can tug it already. Oh shit. What the fuck am I saying ?

5) Sarong Parteh Girl
All I have to do is to produce a fake accent , don a black number and sit at the cafe outside marriot hotel or any other places with alot of ang mors. Then I shall leave my hair long and straight till it falls to my hip. In no time, I'll be and SPG. Keep my fingers crossed that I'll find one with a fat wallet as thick as his waist.

5) A DUMB blonde.
Blondes always have more fun. Too bad I'm asian. If I dye my hair blonde, people will label me an Ah Lian. And it's no fun. No one will pick me up and everyone will speak to me in chinese.

Last but not least ,

6) A french maid.
Give me a hotel that has the chamber maid uniform like this , I will devote my entire life to that hotel. I promise. Just look that how hot the uniform is. Just fucking look at it.

Now , its your turn. Tell me what ya wanna be but its not like I will care anyway.

Good night !